


A Day in the Life of...Us?

by JessicaDoom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cheating, Endgame Jeddy, F/M, Facebook: DRARRY : Fanfiction and Fanart, M/M, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-01-15 13:27:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 24,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18499912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessicaDoom/pseuds/JessicaDoom
Summary: It was like a boulder rolling down a steep hill. Unable to help himself, James pushed up the armrest between them and rested his temple against Teddy's shoulder. Teddy's lips were in his hair and his fingers danced along the back of his neck. He was inviting and this was real.In thirty small, significant moments, James and Teddy navigate some...admittedly complicated feelings.





	1. Dancing

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a 30-Day challenge from the DRARRY: fanfiction and fanart Facebook group. Each day will focus on a different prompt and all of them will string together to tell a story of Jeddy.

James was officially the most pathetic one in the family. Even Albus had a date. And Albus was an absolute mess…. But he'd still managed to trick some girl into coming with him. Even if she did look completely uninterested in him, it was still an obvious step. Especially with everyone but James currently out on the dance floor, laughing and having a jolly good time.

"Where's your girlfriend, then?"

Especially with Teddy so visibly and publicly calling him out. His cheeks pinking, James shoved yet another tiny cucumber sandwich in his mouth. "'e br'ke up," he muttered around the mush and prayed no one else had heard.

Teddy, dosed with no less than five glasses of champagne, merely chuckled. He was amused even while James' own expression held hesitation. He still wasn't sure exactly how he felt about Sinead breaking things off. Especially today. Especially here. "Sometimes it takes a few wrong ones to find the right," Teddy reassured once he caught James' pout.

"Easy for you to say…." For Teddy, it hadn't taken a couple "wrong ones". He and Victoire had been attached at the hip since they were young. James honestly couldn't remember a single memory of one without the other. And now here they were – blissfully married. All grins. Happy. Of course James was jealous, how could he not be? "Shouldn't you be waltzing with your  _wife_?"

With a snort, Teddy looked over his shoulder to watch Victoire out on the dancefloor. The music-enchanted atmosphere pulsed with The Weird Sisters shouting out something unintelligible and one of their friend's toddlers was perched on her hip as she as she bounced around in pretty much the opposite of a waltz. "My wife…," Teddy laughed, a truly happy grin lighting up his face. There went that pang of jealousy again…. "You'll find someone, you know. You're quite the attractive bloke."

Still not having recovered from the previous embarrassment, James turned a full-on shade of red. "Thanks, Mum," he scoffed as a deflection.

Rolling his eyes, Teddy grabbed James' hand and pulled him stumbling towards the dancefloor before he could even think about protesting. "Jamie!" yelled several people in unison, like they'd been waiting for him. It became quickly apparent that Teddy might have been sent over to snag him instead of have a brotherly chat. "Dad send you over?" he shouted over the music.

Teddy stepped forward, his free hand resting on James' shoulder. The other, James became quite aware of, was still holding one of his own. Suddenly he was sure the palm was sweaty. "It's my wedding; I wanted to dance with my brother." Teddy's breath was soft and warm in his ear, his words just loud enough for them alone.

All nerves, James sputtered a laugh and tried his best to bob to the raucous music.  _Why_  was he so nervous?

"I meant what I said, by the way. About you being a catch and all."

The lick of emotion swirling in James' belly felt quite similar to the jealousy he held for the couple. Except….

"Honestly, I'd shag ya, so-"

James reeled back so violently he stepped on the heel of someone behind him. Stuttering an apology, he looked up into Teddy's waiting eyes. Searching for meaning and so consumed by what was now a raging fire inside his belly.

"-you should have no problem hooking another girl soon."

A new tune started and somewhere in the background Victoire screamed about it being their song. With a flash of teeth, Teddy vanished, leaving James to process it all on his own on the fringes of their dancing family. In an attempt to brush it off, he burbled with laughter first. A few meters away, his dad caught his eye and tilted his head. He smiled like nothing was wrong but was sure it fell flat. In order to hide this, he turned and caught sight of the happy couple not too far off. They were dancing slow and intimate, pressed close as they swayed to the soft crooning.

James had to rationalize that Teddy was drunk. Absolutely sloshed. He probably had no idea what he was saying. No one who danced like  _that_  could be sober. No one with inhibitions let themselves be that free. And, certainly, no one who wasn't drunk told their brother –  _godbrother_  - they were fuckable.

And some would likely argue that no one who wasn't drunk would be caught dead thinking for even a moment that his heart could be racing from anything but embarrassment after that not-so-subtle bomb being dropped. "Fuck," James whispered as the thought turned his stomach once again. As he realized just what that could all mean. As he stumbled off the dancefloor and back to his safe space by the food table, head now absolutely spinning and stuck on thoughts that were most definitely off-limits.


	2. Sunsets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am way behind on this 30 day challenge...but I'll get there eventually.

Teddy and Victoire's honeymoon was a family affair. It always was, honestly. The Weasley family was the definition of tight-knit, so when one of them celebrated, they all celebrated. Usually, that was something Teddy loved. Usually, he loved being surrounded by his family. But today that felt like a curse. Today that felt like the universe was trying to remind him at every turn just how stupid he really was.

At the noon portkey meet up. Wandering around their rented villa. At lunch, at tea, at dinner - Teddy saw James  _everywhere_. And he was bound to for another week. There was only so much ignoring he could do without calling attention to why. So as soon as James excused himself from the dinner table, Teddy was rushing to follow him outside.

Truly, there was nothing like a Spanish sunset. As much as Teddy was crawling in his skin, he could at least acknowledge that Victoire was right about this being the most romantic place to get away. Not that this helped in the slightest with his current situation….

"Oi! What you out here moping for?"

Teddy didn't have to see James' face to know his eyes went wide at just the sound of Teddy's voice. He could read it in those ever-tensed shoulders and how they shifted just  _that much_. All he wanted was for the boy to turn around and just look at him, but he was definitely focusing on doing the exact opposite. "This is some next level moping, then," Teddy chided and settled in the sand next to him. They were merely an arm's length away from the water and it lapped against their toes with every coming wave.

"I guess I'll apologize then?" Teddy broached and the silence stretched out. He was beginning to feel a bit like he was sitting there alone. James was so still. So quiet. And yet radiating such loud thoughts…. Sighing softly through his nose, Teddy trained his gaze to watch the orange and purple hues dancing across the restless water. "I made you feel uncomfortable and for that I'm sorry. Honestly, I just had too much to drink last night. Not that I should use that as an excuse…."

"Did you mean it?"

"Er…." It was Teddy's turn to be still. He knew if he moved too suddenly, he was sure to give himself away. Even though he hadn't fully made up his mind on what it was he actually felt yet. "I mean…yeah, I guess. A bit. As someone who fancies men now and then, I can honestly say you're decently fit. But that doesn't necessarily mean…that I'm down to shag you. I mean, I do think of you as my brother. You know?"

For just a flicker of a moment, it almost seemed like James was disappointed to hear this. But a mere second later, he was turning to Teddy with a smile. "And here I was hoping you'd leave your hot ass wife for me. Shame."

"In your dreams," Teddy laughed, bumping their shoulders. A huge wave of relief washed over him, tinged with something he couldn't quite identify. Something he pushed quickly from his mind in favor of enjoying the resolved peace between them as a real wave washed over their feet and brought him back to Earth. "We cool, then?"

"The coolest." James' smile was bright and Teddy wanted to believe it.

Oh, gods, did he want to believe that tight quirk of his lips even if they did hold a haunted quality at the edges. But Teddy had grown up with this boy. He had seen him grow into his ability to lie. He knew exactly what gave him away, even if he didn't want to see it. He knew the way he carried himself and how he fell apart. With this in the back of his mind, Teddy climbed to his feet and feigned a less-than-convincing yawn. "Suppose I'll find Victoire and perform my husbandly duties before turning in." Did James flinch just a bit, or was that subtle wishful thinking? "Don't jump into that swelling ocean on my account, ya hear?"

Smiling that same hollow smile, James nodded and waved Teddy off. And it almost felt like a betrayal leaving him under that romantic sunset without so much as a lingering touch to keep him warm.


	3. Chapter 3

"Maybe we should find somewhere else to eat…."

"Nah, man, I've heard this place has life-changing dinner rolls. I want to try them."

Okay…so James was officially hopelessly in love. More in love than he had ever felt before – and yes, that included the three years he was obsessed with that pop singer Athena the God-Ex. That was infatuation. This felt like he would never be the same again if his love wasn't reciprocated. He already wasn't the same. Something had shifted and suddenly the world was more vivid. Suddenly he felt like he might be on the right path.

And that path had led him here. Here being, perhaps, way too much all at once. The gesture was ridiculous. But Landon, his Muggleborn best mate, swore by the Internet's seer - Google. Google said a meal eaten by candlelight was the most surefire way to show someone you were interested. So here he was, practically dragging Teddy on a date. Without calling it that, of course. After all, he was still a married man.

"And you can't come back with…someone else?" It was too obvious that Teddy was uncomfortable. As they followed the host to their table, his gaze shifted around and caught all of the couples whispering in the dim and intimate atmosphere. That Google thing had also recommended this as the most romantic restaurant in town. So far, its wisdom was spot on. The rest was up to James.

Snorting, James took his seat and immediately waved off the coming waiter's wine menu. "Two vodka sodas with a splash of lemon. Please."

"Am I that predictable?" Teddy asked as the man rushed away with a backwards glance.

James made a point of sitting up straighter and righting his collar. Of looking the part of a real and responsible adult. "No, I just know you is all." His smile was shaking and it felt like people were staring. It felt like everyone knew his intentions. "Uh…so…how's married life?"

It was perhaps more rational to acknowledge that this was the type of establishment boys with turquoise hair did not frequent. Which was likely the one thing nagging at Teddy's mind as he avoided judgmental glances. "Is that really why you asked me to come to dinner? To ask about my marriage?"

"Why not?"

" _Fine_. Married life is…complicated." The waiter returned and James ordered them both the special while Teddy downed a good half of his drink. "Well, maybe not complicated," he continued once they were alone again, his teeth working away at an ice chunk. "It's just that…it's two people who have their own schedules and daily lives and suddenly they've signed on to try and live those lives together. Ya know? But those lives don't always mesh. You think you know someone in and out but once you're actually sharing a tiny house, well that all changes. We're just…. We're not used to each other yet, is all. I'm sure we'll get there."

James thought it might be his selfish love-drunk brain making it up, but he would swear Teddy looked near his wit's end. He looked ready to be broken and, oh, did James want to do that breaking. Which was still a new and totally weird thought to be having. "What made you want to marry her?" he prodded softly while sipping his own drink. He aimed to get Teddy sloshed and pliable again, but wanted to remain alert himself. He wanted to remember every second.

"Victoire makes me happy." He certainly did look punch-drunk happy. "She's adorable as hell and…and I love that she goes with the flow. I love her. I want her to have my spawn and raise them to be her spit-fire doppelgangers. So I married her before she realized she could do so much better than little ol' me."

"I think you're pretty great," James mumbled into his glass.

"You don't count."

And that was the real and true of it. That was, apparently, what Teddy really thought of him. Feeling his heart sink, James pointedly avoided looking across the table. Suddenly the intimate atmosphere and the dim lighting felt suffocating. This felt wrong. Like a dead end. Like he was trying to force something that most definitely should not happen. Teddy was now a married man. Happily, it seemed, even if there were some surface flaws. So why was James trying to make something happen here when he wasn't even really sure what he wanted to come of this…? He was feeling all sorts of romantic but unsure what to do with those feelings. This was new. Boys and intense feelings and, gods, why did it have to be someone so unattainable?

"Yeah, I guess so," James breathed out on a forced laugh. "But Victoire must think so, too. Otherwise, why would she have signed up to spend the rest of her life with you?" In an attempt to distract himself, he practically stuffed a dinner roll in his mouth. "Mm…n't 'zactly l'fe ch'ng'n…." He swallowed and grinned and told himself to put it all at the back of his mind. "But still good."


	4. Pillow Talk

Teddy wasn't being honest. He didn't know how to be honest about this. He didn't know how to admit that everything he'd been dreaming about was impossible. He didn't know how to admit defeat.

Nearly every night of their married life had seen Teddy and Victoire sleeping either in separate beds or facing away from one another. This was his first marriage, but Teddy was pretty damn sure this was not how married life was supposed to go. They were newlyweds, after all. Weren't they supposed to be humping like bunnies still? Wasn't that the expectation?

Sighing heavily, Teddy laid back on the pillows of their marital bed and watched Victoire sit at her vanity. Watched her carefully wipe off her makeup and taking with it the front she put up to the rest of the world. The front she'd put up to him for so many years. It wasn't like she was a  _completely_  different woman inside the safety of their house. She just wasn't who he had thought she was. She just didn't seem to quite enjoy giving up on her time alone, not even for the man she supposedly loved.

"Why don't you come to bed, sweets?" Teddy finally whispered after watching Victoire massage lotion into the same leg for over five minutes. "I feel like I haven't even touched you in… _days_ …."

Victoire didn't turn but did bob her head slowly. "The magazine received a trial of this new moisturizer. I'm just trying to get a good feel for how it works. They want an review for publish by end of day tomorrow. Sorry." She didn't sound the least bit sorry.

Before the wedding, things were perfect. There was never a dull moment between the two of them. They went on dates multiple times a week and nights ended quite often in passion. But now that they were a real couple who lived together with no mystery between them…. The world had shifted and Teddy still didn't know how to turn it back. "O-oh…. Okay. Anything else happen at work today?" Victoire merely shrugged. "Well, can I tell you about my day, then?" Still silence. "Merlin, Vie, this is getting ridiculous!"

Finally, with a startled look plastered onto her stunning face, Victoire turned around on her stool. " _What_?"

"You… _us_ …. This is all starting to feel a little pointless. When we were planning our wedding, we had talked about starting a family and we were so in love. What happened? What have I done to make it so you don't want to even look at me anymore?"

In a turn of events, Victoire delicately raised herself up from her vanity and crossed to her side of the bed. Very gently, she eased herself back upon the pillows, her curtain of blonde hair spilling over Teddy's shoulder. She took his breath away, like always, even though her expression was stern. "I heard you, you know."

His heart racing, Teddy turned and snuggled in closer. "Heard me when, sweets?" he whispered, his fingers grazing over his wife's exposed arm.

She recoiled a bit, tucking herself under the blanket. "In Majorca," she continued, her eyes starting to well with emotion. "I heard you and James talking. Did you really tell him you wanted to…to have sex with him? Is that what I heard?"

"Vie, it's honestly not what you think."

"It doesn't matter what I think. It matters what you might be thinking. It matters if you think that you might be interested in being with someone else. With  _him_."

Teddy would be lying if he said he hadn't been thinking about it. About James. About doing… _that_  with James. Especially after their strangely intimate dinner shortly before the boy went back to Hogwarts. He couldn't keep his thoughts pure, which meant he probably deserved this dry stint in his relationship. "Why didn't you talk to me sooner?"

"Why didn't  _you_?"

There were a lot of reasons not to talk to Victoire about this particular problem. Too many to name. But the biggest and most obvious reason would have to be the fact that he was still ashamed of potentially falling for someone he considered to be like a brother. Marriage and all that aside, of course. "I suppose I was embarrassed for having said that at all. Even if I was smashed when I said it. James and I are past it. There's nothing to be worried about. Honestly. Do you believe me?"

Slowly, Victoire shook her head and softened her features. She slid a little bit closer to her husband, pulling him under her blankets and into her space. "Of course I do. I just wanted you to be honest with me. Next time, don't wait for me to break down and cry at you about my concerns. Heard? I want us to work. You're too good of a catch to let slip away."

Hopelessly pulled into her spell, Teddy leaned in to nip a line down Victoire's shoulder. "Yes, my love. I want us to work, too. You're a far better catch that I, so I would honestly be stupid to give that up. Even if it was for a coveted Potter boy." Chuckling, Teddy aimed a wink at Victoire before propping up on his elbows, caging her in and counting the blessings he had with this one. Even while his mind continued to wander….


	5. Shower Together

"How the hell did you fuck things up  _this bad_?"

James laughed, bright and happy and totally in his element, pushing Teddy roughly against the wall. "I don't think it was all me, dickhead. You started it by throwing the icing sugar everywhere."

They'd spent the afternoon baking – which was not a strong subject for either of them. But Nana Molly was down with a touch of the flu this Christmas and the boys were excited to give her a pick-me-up. Which, unfortunately, was easier said than done. Teddy's kitchen was an absolute mess and they were even messier still. Luckily Victoire wasn't due home for the night – Fleur had insisted all her children spend Christmas Eve at Shell Cottage this year. She would have been rightly furious. At least the treats were done now. They didn't look anything like the family was used to, but they were done.

And James and Teddy were covered in whatever didn't end up on the platters. "Whatev, you wanna wash up first?"

"Yeah, I better," James chuckled stopping their trek down the hallway at the entrance to the bathroom. Between the two of them, he had obviously come out the messiest. This was largely due to Teddy so rudely dumping a load of flour down his front.

It had been a fun day, though. He had missed Teddy during this first part of his last year at Hogwarts. Especially when the man was constantly on his mind. Day and night…. With a cheesy grin, James closed the door, started the shower, and stripped off his dirty clothes. Standing under the warm spray a moment later felt admittedly like the perfect ending to the perfect day.

"Oi, I think the only shirt I have to fit you-"

James pushed the shower curtain aside without giving it too much thought.

"-has a fuckin'…purple….  _Jesus_ , Jamie."

The shirt in question dropped to the floor with a soft yet intrusive noise and James suddenly remembered the awkward air between them. It wasn't the first time he'd ever been naked in front of Teddy. But it was the first time since the wedding and emergence of certain feelings and, frankly, the first time where Teddy's eyes might wander…. Feeling like he was flushing red from head to toe and everywhere in between, James rashly grabbed the curtain and covered his not-so private parts with a plastered smile. "Anything you have will work. Purple whatsits or not…. Thanks."

"I should…."

"You  _should_."

But he didn't. Teddy stayed right where he was, still gawking like a fool. Still stuck in whatever crisis he might be having. All too aware of this, James had about a half-second to contemplate his next move. Which definitely wasn't enough time because he was, after all, a teenager and had very strong and winning thoughts. "Could you…maybe hand me a sponge?" he suggested, pushing the curtain just a bit back to the side. Just enough.

Completely forgetting the request, Teddy stumbled forward like he was in a daze. The steel toes of his boots made an audible  _thunk_  against the underside of the tub as he settled up next to it, a mere breath away. He leaned in at an agonizingly slow pace, driving James absolutely wild in waiting. Every little sound around them – the spray of the water, a car horn blasting outside, even the buzz of some trapped insect – rang around them and felt deafening. Especially as Teddy tried to speak, his words drowned out by the mere pressure of what he had to say. Especially once he halted his progression to wait for an answer.

"Do you even like boys?"

"Is that a requirement for kissing you?" James answered in a mumble, very nearly brave and desperate enough to reach out and take what he wanted. But not quite ready….

"Yes."

As James reveled in his shock, Teddy made his hasty retreat. He tossed the sponge he'd been asked for into the shower from a safe distance, wiping both the errant water flecks and emotion from his face with the back of his hand. "Let me know, uh…. Let me know when you're finished, yeah? I'm gonna start cleaning the kitchen. Take the time you need, though."

There was an underlying meaning there, James was sure of it.  _"Take the time you need…."_  It was an ultimatum at its core. A heavy ultimatum with such a sweet sounding reward. Enclosing himself back in the warm haven of the curtain, he turned back into the water and allowed it to run down his face. When that didn't feel like enough of a reality dose, he reached to turn the water down a few clicks. The chilling drops pounding his flushed body felt like knives. It felt like the screams flooding his head. It felt like frustration and confusion and panic.

But, most of all, it felt like he had some real decisions to make before he could retrieve that piece of his heart Teddy had just walked away with.


	6. Love Note

_Teddy,_

_So, I guess it was my turn to make this weird. Sorry._ ~~_I just_ ~~

~~_I think it's just that_ ~~

_I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm feeling. I think I love you. I mean, I_ _ know _ _I love you. What I mean is I think I love you in a way I didn't before the wedding. Or in a way I didn't think too much about back then I guess. We've always been close, but lately it seems different. I know you have to be feeling it, too. After all, you started it._

_Or did I start it? Was it a joke until I made a deal out of it?_

_Either way – whoever started it – what I've done to you and Victoire is wrong. She's a sweet girl and doesn't deserve a cheating husband. I'll stop pushing you._ ~~_if you want._ ~~ _Tomorrow at home, we'll be normal and no one will suspect a thing. Cross my heart, Teddy boy, I will put it all outta my head. It's Christmas so I will pray for a miracle from that plastic baby Jesus (that is what the Muggles do on Christmas, right?). Even if all I can honestly think of right this second is how it would have felt to kiss you a few minutes ago._

_I almost crossed that part out but decided to leave it there just in case you change your mind. Just kidding. Sort of._

~~_Love,_ ~~

~~_From,_ ~~

_LOVE (because I_ _ do _ _),_

_Jamie_

_P.S. I'll try to figure out if I like blokes. Maybe snog few. When I get it sorted, would you like to know?_


	7. Gifts

Per usual, the Potter household was absolute chaos. Scents of Christmas dinner filled the air, fighting for attention alongside the eager shouts of children and boisterous laughter of Teddy's extensive family. It was impossible to keep a smile from his lips, even with all he had churning around in his head. The excitement made it easier to forget James' note. It made it easier for him to pretend he was content with his wife and her adorable giggle at his side. It made it easier to focus on the plate in front of him instead of the way his and James' feet touched under the table now and then. It made it easier to pretend James' eyes didn't follow him wherever he went.

None of this, however, made it any easier to pretend that James wasn't following him outside when the heat of the house became too much. "You're avoiding me."

"You avoided me first…."

James smirked. He honest-to-gods smirked and Teddy couldn't feel his face. For the time being, he would chalk that up to the cold. "You mean last night after you bolted instead of kissing me? Technically, you know…you started to avoid  _me_  first." That wink he dropped at the end had Teddy's heart pounding in a way that felt unhealthy.

The logic was sound and there was no use to argue. Not that he was sure he could find the words to do so anyway. Clearing his throat, Teddy vied for a change if subject. "So our sweets turned out halfway decent, yeah?"

"We make a good team."

"We do…."

James laughed, sharp like a slap. "Okay, well, I just came out here to give you your gift. I said all I needed to in that note I left. I'm not trying to bring it up again before you're ready. Promise." From his pocket, he procured a small box. He flipped it around with his fingertips a few times before sighing heavily and holding it out to Teddy. Like he was unsure he should. Which meant he probably shouldn't. "But you have to open it or I won't leave you to the peace you so desperately want."

"You didn't have to get me anything," Teddy muttered as he tugged on the perfectly tied and curled ribbon.

"Eh, I just saw it while shopping with Mum and thought of you. It's nothing big."

They'd exchanged gifts before, of course. But this felt different. This felt like the most special thing James had ever given anyone. And there it was, sitting flat in Teddy's own palm and he couldn't help but to feel an intense swell of pride and emotion. "Jamie…it's wonderful…." It truly, at its simplest, was nothing. The bracelet took up no space in Teddy's hand. It weighed nothing and hardly felt like it was there at all. And, yet, Teddy knew he would never be caught without it again. His fingers traced the rosy gold of the band, the shape of the howling wolf on its crest petite but distinct to the touch.

"It's not the right shade of pink," James said, his voice sounding far off amid the rush of emotion clouding Teddy's head. "But Mum said she could charm it for you. If you'd like."

"It's perfect." The muted color felt like the best amalgamation of his parents and he wouldn't have wished it any different. "Honestly," he chuckled through his tears, "just perfect. Thank you."

When Teddy finally managed to raise his eyes from the bracelet and how it now curled around his thin wrist, he caught James casually back-stepping towards the house. "No problem, man. What are brothers for? Uh…Freddy wanted to start a match of Exploding Snap. You're welcome to have winner if you want. No pressure, though." He didn't stick around for an answer. Perhaps he didn't trust himself for any second longer than the small moment they'd managed to steal. Not that Teddy could blame him; he was starting to feel a bit the same, admittedly. This little token wasn't going to make that any easier, either. But there was no way he was going to give it up. Not even if the subtle weight of it burned into his skin as a constant reminder of impending heartbreak.


	8. Sex Toy

"I'm just gonna go on the record and say…we are not close enough for this shite."

If James wasn't so nervous to do this on his own, he would agree. But as he stared at the package – gods, he couldn't even bring himself to open the damn thing – he was relieved to have someone at his side. Even if it was awkward as all get out. "Lan, I was literally in the room when you got your first jobby. You can help me figure out the logistics of this… _thing_. It's not like I'm asking you to shove it up my arse."

James was almost certain he didn't  _want_  it up his arse. The box was massive and the details boasted twenty centimeters. It was intimidating and impossible and just looking at it made him certain he couldn't be gay. Or bi. Or…somewhere in between…. Not if it involved pushing something this big somewhere it probably didn't belong.

"You don't have to…do  _that_ ," Landon scoffed and found the courage James was lacking. He pulled the top of the box open and grappled with insides. The sound of the plastic crunching was jarring right up until the very second the…the  _thing_  fell out and onto the bedspread between them. The thing, of course, being a light flesh-colored phallic monstrosity equipped with self-pleasuring charms. The thing…was the key to his sexual awakening.

Or not.

And that was the heart of it. He had promised he would figure this out and one extremely awkward morning post was about to put all of that in motion.

"The instructions say you can use it for…oral, too…."

"So you think if I don't want it down  _there_ …I might want it in my mouth?" James laughed, doing yet another hurried glance around the room. Their dormitory was and had been empty for the last hour. They were absolutely alone and still James couldn't help but to keep checking anyway. It would be just his luck that someone would walk in smack in the middle of this. They'd have to get through a super strong locking spell to do so, but the fear of being caught was still strong.

Landon touched it first. He'd also been sorted to Gryffindor in a second flat, so clearly he had a stronger presence of courage deep inside of him. The Sorting Hat had stewed on James for much longer and, comparatively, their lives fully reflected this. "At least it looks soft. Malleable…. Easy to gob on, you know?"

This was why James wanted Landon around. When he laughed this time, a little bit of anxiety burbled out and dissipated into the lighter air. "How do I do it, then?" he asked and snatched at the instruction sheet.

"I am not about to watch this," Landon snorted while practically bolting from James' four-poster. "I've done my part as the supportive friend and now I'm gonna fuck off to literally anywhere but here. Please do not give me details once the deed is done. You'll still be my friend whether you like to be buggered or not."

The supportive shoulder squeeze Landon left him with stuck with James even after the door resolutely locked itself between them. Just like that, he was all alone again with nothing but his too-loud thoughts for comfort. The most jarring of those thoughts struck violently –  _This would be so much easier with someone else._  He cursed himself yet another time for not finding a proper bloke to experiment with. He cursed himself for being too much of a coward. He cursed himself for these weird feelings and for allowing them to take control of his entire life.

Of course, he also made sure to curse Teddy for starting this in the first place. "He's worth it," James whispered once he'd properly perused the instructions. Even in his ensured solitude, he carefully drew his curtains and….

Well, the rest from there was a bit of a blur. An awkward, messy, and too-naked blur. A blur tainted with winces and groans and the underlying current of Teddy in every movement and motion. A blur with an answer and that really was the important part. That  _thing_  might be going in the trash after its short-lived life inside James' orifices, but at least it had served its purpose.

At least James now knew for an undoubtable fact that should Teddy choose him, he was ready and willing to give him everything he might ask for.


	9. Lunch Date

The wait between Christmas and Easter break felt like forever. Sure, Teddy had plenty to keep him busy – the shop was busier than ever and he was working on a time-consuming and colorful tattoo sleeve. But his mind kept wandering whenever it could. It kept slipping back to his last couple encounters with James and how he was still craving more. It kept slipping back to that almost-kiss and how his lips still tingled in waiting. It kept slipping back to how he desperately wished he had been the one to help James try and figure out what it was he wanted.

But it was finally Easter and it was finally time to break down and clear the air between them. He had never so much as returned James' note. He hadn't even sent a birthday card, which was completely unlike him. He had, however, responded to James' request to have lunch. That was a step, at least.

"It's not a date," he whispered as he settled into a booth at the restaurant he had suggested. It was brightly lit and extremely open and filled with other people. This was the exact opposite of a date, even if Teddy had signed off his letter with ' _It's a date!_ '. Taking a deep breath, he flipped open the menu to distract himself while he waited. Not that he could focus on it with his eyes flicking to the door every few seconds.

When James finally walked in, it took all of Teddy's restraint not to jump up and greet him with a dopey grin. Feeling fidgety, he simply waved and tried to keep his smile normal.

"Hey," Teddy said softly as James took the seat across him. He looked just as out of his element. He looked just as freaked. "How…how's it going? How's school?"

James laughed, most likely at the shear weirdness of it all. How had they even gotten here? How could they go from being so close to awkward strangers? "It's all good. Did you hear that I'll be training with Grandpa in his department after graduation? Nothing like good, ol' nepotism…. I'm still not even sure that's what I want to do with my life, but it's something. It's a nice offer…."

"You could always come work with me at the shop," Teddy offered, but his tone came through a bit empty. "I mean, you're shit artistically so obviously we wouldn't have you tattooing, but I hate our current receptionist. I'm sure that's something even you could handle."

"Well, how generous of you." When James laughed this time, it came more freely. More genuine. "Nah, I'm good with what I've lined up. But thank you."

Teddy nodded and reached once again for his menu. A small flash of pale gold caught the light in the action. "I never take it off," Teddy said softly when he caught James staring at the bracelet. "I really do love it, Jamie." The token, which truly never left his wrist, was a constant reminder of James. Not that he really needed a reminder these days. James truly was always on his mind.

Their waitress came a second later to interrupt the tense atmosphere between them. Teddy welcomed the distraction, taking his time to select his choices and avoiding staring at James as he made his own. Unsuccessfully. "You never did answer my question, you know," James stated once he caught Teddy's wandering eye. "Did you wanna know?"

Teddy hadn't given the answer to this question because he couldn't. He didn't know how to without implicating himself. He didn't know how to tell this boy that he was completely invested in the subject without recognizing that his interest was perverse. Even in that moment where he was being demanded an answer, he was finding it difficult to locate the right words. To show the restraint of a married man. "Does that mean you have it sorted, then?" he asked on hardly an audible murmur.

James dropped his voice, as well, leaning in for dramatic effect. "So you are interested." His grin was devilish and dangerously inviting. "I'll tell you, then. I'll tell you what I've found out…but you have to  _tell_  me you want to hear it. I need your permission. I was very clear on that."

"Say it," Teddy demanded far too quickly and brashly. If he sat on this indecision any longer, he was sure to change his mind yet again. It was easier to just vomit it out.

Very carefully like he was also afraid of a change of heart, James stood up and crossed to Teddy's side of the booth. He settled in close, his right hand coming up to rest on Teddy's shoulder while his left settled just behind Teddy's backside. Teasingly close. "My uncles sell those silicone pleasure toys, you know," James whispered, leaning in just enough for his breath to tickle Teddy's ear and send a rippling shiver down his spine. He was shaking with excitement already. "I ordered one. A cock, thick like yours, with all the enchantments needed for discovery. And…boy, did I discover, Teddy. I discovered that I definitely do not want something that fat up my arse ever again." James chuckled, shaky with nerves and pulled back just for a second so their eyes could meet before he continued. "But…if you're open to it…I might enjoy being on the topside of things. I think I might like the view from up there as I take you and as you tremble….

"Now what do you think about that?"

What Teddy truly thought about that was present in his trousers. He could see it all so vividly in his mind and already knew there  _had_  to be a future like that for them. "I think…," he answered in a hushed voice even as the waitress dropped off their food with a curious glance. "I think that I need to have a very unpleasant conversation with my wife."


	10. Movie Night

Of course it felt wrong, but James selfishly couldn't allow Teddy to run away. Not just yet. Not when he was certain the conversation with the wife was bound to go the wrong way. And not after he'd so obviously riled Teddy up. They needed more time. After all, they'd only just finally admitted everything they'd been holding back. It would have been such a waste not to at least explore those feelings a bit more.

Especially once they'd finally had that first kiss. It happened so suddenly, James had no time to prepare for it. As they stepped out onto the street from that mediocre restaurant, Teddy grabbed James by the waist in a whirlwinding maneuver. With his head spinning, James blinked up at those sparkling eyes as they shifted to a serene blue. Counting the seconds until their lips met. The number landed somewhere between five and six, but that didn't matter. Not when Teddy's mouth was so soft and tasted of…. Well, it tasted of fish and chips, which wasn't entirely pleasant. But it was still a kiss to remember, nonetheless.

"I know a place with a dark room where we can…have some privacy," James said, his voice guttural and filled with the danger of lust. And that's how they ended up in the movie theater from midday to the dark of night. Not…taking advantage of the dark the  _entire_ time. They sat through two movies and, honestly, it took James the entirety of the first one to even be able to work up the necessary courage. It wasn't until the credits of that first movie began to roll that he felt ready to even hold Teddy's hand.

But from there, it was like a boulder rolling down a steep hill. Unable to help himself, James pushed up the armrest between them and rested his temple against Teddy's shoulder. Teddy's lips were in his hair and his fingers danced along the back of his neck. He was inviting and this was real. At the back of the movie theater, though they weren't alone, this felt like their safe place. A place where nothing else existed. Just the flickering of the movie they weren't going to watch and the passion radiating between them.

"Can I try something?" James asked, feeling too brave for his own good. Well, brave on the surface. His hand came to rest on Teddy's upper thigh, while inside his heart was ready to pound out of his chest.

Teddy looked much the same, only flipped. His eyes held panic even while his body was so outwardly ready for whatever was to come. "S-sure," he whispered back, definitely too loud if the judgy look from the woman a few rows down meant anything.

With that permission, James slid his hand up that last bit. His palm dug firmly against the swell in Teddy's jeans, causing the man to suck in a breath as his body responded further.  _It's just like doing it to yourself_ , he reminded himself as another wave of nerves washed through him. A handjob was easy compared to other sexual tasks. At the basis of it, it was essentially the same mechanics as a wank. Perhaps a bit more awkward and definitely lacking any personal reward. But otherwise, it sounded like something he could feasibly do without cocking it all up.

Keeping this all to the forefront of his mind, James turned his body to use both hands to unbutton Teddy's trousers. Teddy, on his part, helped by eagerly wriggling them down to better expose his briefs. "Lick your hand," he suggested while leaning back. Obviously fully ready to enjoy himself. "Nothin' worse than a dry handy."

Nodding, James did as he was told while Teddy pushed down his briefs just enough. In all its throbbing purple delight, Teddy's cock stood half-staffed and ready to go. The rest was up to James. He pulled in a deep, slow breath before taking ahold of it. Grazing his circled fingers downward so his pinky brushed Teddy's bollocks. "Perfect…," Teddy encouraged, his head thrown back. "Fuck, Jamie." The nickname fell out of Teddy's lips on a low moan, spurning James on with a fervor. He made short work of it, just as he would on his own. Had they been on their own, he reasoned he would take more time. But with this room partially full of people and the threat of being caught all too real, he really just wanted this done as fast as possible.

Which sounded like a good plan until Teddy came to an end a bit too swiftly for warning. White ribbons splattered them both and James couldn't help but to snort a laugh. Which might not have been so bad if on the screen, it hadn't been an incredibly serious moment. Nearly everyone in the theater turned to look at them, catching Teddy's blissed expression and James' red face. Unfazed, Teddy sat up straighter, tucked himself back away and performed a simple cleaning spell on the mess. "You did good," Teddy reassured and leaned in to kiss James. "Do you want me to…?"

As much as he would have loved to have the same experience, James shook his head slowly. "Next time," he muttered, flexing his cramped hand and leaning back into Teddy's warm hold. He wanted his first time with Teddy to be special. Not that this wasn't special. This just didn't feel quite right for him. Maybe he just wasn't ready yet. For now, this felt good just as it was. For now, he just wanted to savor this moment, cuddled into Teddy. Savoring what he'd fought and worked for in all its glory.


	11. Cooking Together

It was Victoire's idea to have James over. Her stupid, possibly sabotaging idea and Teddy couldn't help but to hate her for it. Or maybe that was just guilt. And a bit (or a lot) of sexual tension. He hadn't seen James since their little movie excursion and those two months had been absolute torture. Not that his marriage was anything akin to torture, really. They got on rather well, actually. Especially since Victoire still seemed very much in the dark about her husband's dirty secret. Their sex life definitely hadn't suffered during Teddy's frustration, if that was any indication….

Nothing had suffered with her, really, since the day he and James had finally admitted their feelings. Teddy wasn't sure how he felt about that. Even watching the both of them work together on dinner, getting along too well, he wasn't able to put a finger on who captured his attention more. Conscious that every move here counted, he settled up behind Victoire and wrapped his arms around her waist. Kissing her neck and making her squirm. Thoroughly enjoying that little excited squeal she made while fully aware of James so pointedly looking away.

"Are you even going to help?" Victoire giggled, grabbing Teddy by the jaw and turning just enough to give him a proper kiss. "Or do you just want to stand there and distract me some more?"

"Distraction sounds nice…," he parried, fully and wholly meaning it even as his toe grazed the back of James' ankle. "But I do fully intend to put some work in, too.  _Someone_ has to eat this mess you're making."

Snorting, Victoire reached back to tug at Teddy's ear. "This  _mess_  is about to be the best damn meal you have ever had, so you best watch your mouth, mister."

"Or you could watch it," Teddy whispered, close to her ear now. "Where would you like to watch it go…?"

The blush that heated Victoire's cheeks radiated against Teddy's grin. "Later," she burbled nervously and finally pushed him away. As he stepped back, he caught James' eye. He looked…carefully guarded. And maybe a bit hurt. Probably a bit jealous, as well.

Teddy slowly stepped back from both of them, leaning against the opposite counter. He was truly and irreversibly fucked.

"Nervous for your first day as a Ministry man?" Victoire asked while sipping the last of her wine.

James squared his shoulders and Teddy nearly lost his composure. He wanted to see the boy fall apart. He wanted to  _force_  him to fall apart. "Not really," James said and he was so sure. If there were any shaken nerves in him, he hid them well. "Everything just feels like it's coming together, y'know?"

They were hardly a few weeks past graduation and already James was fully prepared for his adult life. It had taken Teddy much longer and he envied James' courage. He envied James; James knew what he wanted.

Teddy knew what he wanted but he also knew he shouldn't want it.

"I remember my first day at  _Witch Weekly_. I was so nervous, I forgot to put on knickers. Isn't that ridiculous?"

Teddy smiled like a good husband should but he knew it came off empty. He was more focused on James' cool reaction. On  _his_  smile and the easy way in which he said, "Good thing I don't wear pants, then."

He knew what he was doing. He knew how that simple statement would affect Teddy. How his eyes would go wide and his breathing would still. He knew _exactly_  what he was doing – the evidence came when he turned to witness his handiwork with that cheeky gleam in his eye.

"Careful," Victoire cautioned, following James' gaze. For a panicking moment, it seemed they were caught and a thousand shitty protests ran through Teddy's mind. But she merely finished with a teasing, "I'm still looking for that perfect story to launch my real career. No scandalous secret is safe from me."

It was comforting and ominous and foreboding all at once. But she didn't know. Teddy was certain she didn't know. They'd had this conversation and he was sure his wife blindly trusted him. He had never given her a reason not to. And yet…he couldn't help but to feel like she might not be completely oblivious. Victoire wasn't stupid. She was soft and sweet and fiercely cunning. And she never said anything she didn't mean wholeheartedly.


	12. What I Love About You...

Victoire fell asleep early. Teddy said she couldn't hold her alcohol. He said it had something to do with the Veela blood. The two didn't mix well together. She likely had no idea what she had done by merely falling asleep. She had no idea the sexual tension she was about to release.

It was nearly palpable. James was sure he could feel it between them, pulling him towards Teddy with every breath he took. Drifting closer on the couch, fingertips grazing at first before taking the full plunge into one another's arms. Only to be stopped by James' palm flat against Teddy's chest. Why did he do that? He stared down at his hand, a foreign entity to him, questioning its intentions. Questioning why he was stopping something he had spent two months dreaming about.

"I love you," James whispered, unable to stop that either. Even though it felt like way too much way too soon. "I love you," he repeated, the words tasting surer on his tongue the more he said them. "I love you and I can't help it."

Teddy was grinning like he'd never heard sweeter words. But he was a married man and that smile was a betrayal. "I love you, too," he returned. But it was cautious. He was always cautious. Why couldn't James be more like that?

"I love how guarded you are. How you stop and think things through. You're smart and careful and I absolutely adore it. I want to be like that. I want to look before I leap…."

Continuing his rash line of decision-making, James kept babbling. But he also kept that hand on Teddy's chest, keeping their recklessness at bay for as long as possible. Even while his words ran circles around that distance.

"But I don't know how to do that. All I know is how to charge in head-first. I think it runs in my blood. I mean, you know my dad. And my mum…. A family full of Gryffindors practically groom you to be bad at things like love. But you? You were groomed for better things. Your parents were saints. And you're just as sweet and…and  _perfect_." James blew out a long, hard breath. His head fell forward in a weirdly shameful pose. "You are perfect, Teddy." His eyes glazed with tears as he stared down at the still-posed hand over Teddy's heart. "To me, you are perfect. It's naïve; I know that. You probably think I'm a child for it."

Slowly, like he was afraid to disturb the softness of James' words, Teddy's hand slipped over his. He squeezed ever-so-lightly, but it was enough to make James raise his eyes. To meet Teddy's serene look for just a moment before tearing away from it again. Melting beneath the weight of it, his fingers curling and digging into Teddy's chest. "I just…. I've always admired you, Teddy," he continued when it became apparent Teddy was waiting for him to finish. "And that admiration has grown into something deeper. I truly and wholeheartedly love you. More than I've ever dreamed of loving someone. And that's a feeling too heavy to carry and to hide.

"So…I love you, Teddy, but…I need you to know that I don't love this. I don't love sneaking around and hiding. I don't love lying to your wife or to my parents. But, most of all, I don't love only being able to kiss you in darkness. Because, frankly Teddy, I deserve to be kissed in the sunlight. I deserve more than to be the wedge in your marriage."

When James walked out a moment later, his dignity felt like it was back in-tact. But his heart wasn't. He was leaving his heart on that couch, cradled in Teddy's hands. Fragile and close to breaking. But he knew Teddy would keep it safe for him until the time was right. Until he had fixed things so the blossoming love they had might grow in the sunlight instead of suffocate in the darkness.


	13. Visit Family

"Oh, bunny, look at you."

Trying to smile past his emotions, Teddy waved it off. "I'm fine, Gran. Promise." But he was anything but fine. Teddy was falling apart. He was a mess. His grandmother had always been especially adept at seeing right to the core of that mess. She had cleaned enough of them, he supposed. After so long, one develops a knack for such a thing.

"Come sit. I'll make you cocoa and you can tell me what's wrong." Andromeda smiled back, soft and sincere, and guided her grandson towards the kitchen table. He felt like he was seven again and crying over a skinned knee. And, strangely, that feeling was comforting. Life used to be just this simple – Gran can fix anything. At some point he'd grown up and stopped feeling that way. But he had ended up on her doorstep that morning, so maybe that hope was still there buried way down deep.

The cocoa recipe was ultra secret. Andromeda always added something extra special that made it feel like magic (and perhaps it was magic), but had never once revealed what that was. Even as an adult, he'd never been able to sneak a glance at it. Even  _now_ , he watched her at the stove hoping to get just a glimpse.

"You know better, boy," she laughed and threw a blindfold curse his way. For the span of a minute, the world went dark and he sank right into the comfort of it. Behind his closed lids, James still existed. Even though he wanted to be removed from the dark, it was where he lived. For Teddy, at least. In the dark, he could dream about James and no one was the wiser. In the dark, James unfolded for him like he had promised he wouldn't in real and actual life. In the dark, everything felt safe and like a future he wanted more than the one he was on track for.

As light bled back into his vision, Teddy found it slightly blurred. He preemptively swiped at the still-held tears and plastered back on that failing smile. "How was your week, Gran?" he asked around the emotion clogging his throat. There was no way she hadn't noticed that.

Confirming this, Andromeda set a mug of cocoa down in front of him all the while leveling a 'don't bullshit me' look. "My week was what it always is. But that doesn't matter. I think it's about time you tell me what's going on. You've been off these last few months, but today…. Something's eating you up."

Teddy sighed and tried to avoid his grandmother's prying gaze as she took the seat across from him. For a half second, he thought about denying anything being wrong or off. But it was honestly tearing him apart and if he didn't at least out some of it…. "Was Grandad your first love?"

"First and only, baby."

That stung. "And if I don't have a…one and only?"

Andromeda's brow furrowed. "What have you done?"

Teddy couldn't pretend the accusation didn't sting. His cheeks burned red and he could practically feel the self-control he'd gained over the years waning. Along with it, his hair began to darken to that dishwater blond so synonymous with every low point he'd ever had. It was the only time he ever began to resemble his father, as fucked up as that was. "Nothing. Well, maybe nothing. Half of nothing. I definitely did… _something_ , but that's over now. Except…."

"You don't want it to be?" Teddy shook his head in agreement and Andromeda's look softened. "And what about Victoire? What about your marriage?"

Shrugging, Teddy ran his thumb through a steady drop of cocoa trailing down his mug. "He's all I can think about, Gran. Even when I'm with Vie, he's always on my mind. Like a goddamn virus. I mean, I'm sure I love her. I  _married_  her. But she's being outshined and I just have no idea what to do. Sneaking around isn't fair to any of us…." He sighed heavily, head dipping further as he finally succumbed to slurping at his cocoa like he was a child again. "Go ahead – tell me I'm being selfish and ridiculous. Maybe if you say it, I'll finally feel it too." This was why he'd come to her, after all.

But it appeared she wasn't going to deliver. "Bun, look at me." Teddy obeyed, his top lip thick with chocolate. "What does your heart say?"

"I'm an absolutely terrible person."

Andromeda chuckled, all full of pity and understanding. "And when you get past your noisy demons?"

Getting past the demons was never an easy feat. But Teddy did know deep down that one desire was winning. As difficult as that was going to be to enact. "I…I can't be a twenty-something divorcee. I can't do that to  _her_. She deserves better than a failed year-long marriage."

"No, what that girl really deserves is someone to be fully and wholly committed to her. Which, frankly, you seem to be failing at."

Of course, Andromeda was right. And these were all valid points that Teddy had come up with on his own. Hearing them come out of someone else's mouth, however, truly brought them to life. "I think she might know anyway…."

"Then you know what you have to do." Knowing didn't make the dread any duller, but Teddy nodded anyway. "You just make sure before you do anything you know in your heart that this boy – whoever he is – is worth the pain. Once it's out there, this isn't a secret you can come back from."

James was worth it. He was worth everything. Now it was time to show him.


	14. Picnic

The news of the divorce came down the family grapevine with the voracity of an avalanche. In that subtle get obvious way so signature to them, of course. "Teddy's asked me to help move his things out tomorrow night," was casually tossed out over dinner one night, but no one even flinched at Harry's statement. They'd all heard a rumor from one family member or another about the impending divide. They all knew what the statement meant without having to discuss it.

James knew more than anyone the weight this carried. He also knew when he saw Teddy's pygmy owl on his windowsill the next morning that the rumors were true. Except…it didn't feel how he had expected. He should have been happy. He should have eagerly ran for the letter and torn it open.

In the stranglehold of reality, however, he couldn't help but to feel dirty. Did Victoire know their failed marriage was in part his fault? Was she angry? Was she devastated? Was she crying herself to sleep at night while he stayed awake imagining the things her husband could do to him? There was no way the result of this could be anything but messy. There was no way he wouldn't be blamed.

"Thanks, Pidgy." Unable to help himself, he supplied the owl with a treat and read the letter:  _Meet me outside on your lunch._  It was simple - perhaps too simple - but it didn't stop James' heart from beating out of control.

And it didn't stop him from doing as the letter said as soon as lunchtime rolled around. "I only get a half hour," was the greeting he gave Teddy, arms crossed and completely stone-faced. Teddy had been waiting for him right outside the Ministry entrance on Whitehall. He was grinning and bouncy. He was gorgeous, his turquoise hair lit up by the rare sunshine. He looked inviting and James hated himself for thinking it the instant he remembered himself. "Whatever you have to say, say it quick."

Teddy laughed and James nearly cracked. "Just follow me."

Following him meant walking across the way to St. James' park. Through the vivid green grass to a carefully selected spot by the water. To a carefully laid blanket perfectly sized for two. It oozed intimacy, tucked just behind a bush and out of direct view. It looked like temptation. It looked like a bad idea. Sighing, James crossed his arms and stood just at the edge of the blanket. "Teddy, what is this?" he asked, knowing full well what it was. It was a date.

"Can we sit?" Teddy asked and gestured towards the ground. In the sun, the absence of a glistening wedding band was too obvious. As was the rose gold bracelet still firmly affixed to his wrist. Every action made came off as intentional and poignant. He wanted James to know it all before they even started this conversation.

Silently, James followed the suggestion. He kneeled down onto the blanket, reaching behind him to swirl his fingers through the lake water. He didn't have much to say. Or, more like, he didn't know how to make reasonable thoughts out of his guilt. This was all he had wanted. However, now that it was finally in front of him, this wasn't a future he knew how to pursue.

"As you said, we don't really have much time…," Teddy broached, settling next to James, using unpacking a picnic basket as a distraction. "So I guess I'll just get on with it?" He pressed a sandwich half into James' hands, his own fingers lingering longer than necessary. "Victoire kicked me out. She actually found your letter from Christmas Eve before I had a chance to work up the courage to…to end things. It's messy and her family hates me. Rightly so. But she's keeping your name out of it," he added to soothe James' frightened look. "Nobody else knows it's you."

James processed everything around a bite of cold cuts, taking his time. The self-conscious part of him pressed for discretion here. It urged for his dignity to remain intact. But everything else was screaming for joy. Screaming so loud to go against his better judgment and take what he wanted. Because he  _did_  want this. He wanted Teddy and a relationship and a solid future. He also wanted a few more carnal things, but all of it mellowed out to a general desire for this man sitting across from him. Who looked just as eager as James felt, by the way.

"Are you sure you're ready for this, then?" James asked softly, afraid to startle himself with anything more tangible. "You sure you wanna give up on everything? Ya know…on that straight, married life for…for me?"

Teddy snorted and it caught James off-guard. "Oh, Jamie…."

"What…?"

In slow motion, Teddy moved to close the space between them. Or maybe it only felt that way because James was so nervous. His heart had settled into an erratic rhythm, his palms were sweating, and was he really just sitting there like a wordless toddler with his mouth wide open? Why couldn't he lean in for what he wanted? Why couldn't he lose his composure even for that crucial moment?

"You  _are_ …everything…."

The world went violently silent, ringing with the echo of Teddy's raw emotion. A moment later, before James could even begin to process just what those words meant, the space between them disappeared. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He was frozen and it felt far too good to be true. Like he never had anything to fear again. Like his life was merely beginning.

Everything and nothing swirling all at once in that breath-stealing kiss.


	15. Walking Together

James has cold fingers. They almost felt like ice threaded through Teddy's own. He was obsessed with taking the feeling in, caressing his own fingertips over the chilled skin. In contrast to the warmth of the sunlight and the raging heat of his own constant temperature, it was welcome and strangely comforting. Like a refreshing glass of water when you didn't even know you might be thirsty.

They were perfectly matched. Or maybe that was just a self-serving observation. Teddy was hinging his entire life on the right to do exactly this – stroll through a park holding James' hand. It better feel like heaven or why else should he have given up the good thing he'd had?

"I'll be staying with Gran for a bit. Just until I can find a place of my own," he babbled, trying to clear some of the clutter from his mind. "She's being very supportive about the whole thing. So, uh…if you wanted to visit now and then, I'm sure she'd be fine with that. Not that she knows you're the reason…. I swear I haven't told anyone."

James nodded, his mouth quirked into a meek smile. To an outsider, he might look on the cusp of disinterested. To Teddy's trained eye, however, he was merely quietly content. Teddy couldn't agree more with this feeling. He was at peace. This day was perfect. This day felt like the start to the rest of his life.

"For now, we can just be us," Teddy continued as they crossed Whitehall. "Take it slow. Or…or fast. Whatever you're comfortable with. But we can talk about that la-"

"Boys?"

If he wasn't so terrified himself, Teddy might have been offended by how fast James put distance between the two of them. "Dad, hey!" James shouted, making a definite show of crossing his arms over his chest. Like that could somehow show he hadn't just been holding Teddy's hand a moment ago.

Teddy found he couldn't look up. He was terrified to meet Harry's eyes, even just for a moment. He was terrified to know if they had been seen. He was terrified he might have to face that telltale look of disappointment and disgust. He was terrified. Period. It was strange how something could feel so right one moment and so dangerous the next. "We were just having lunch," he rushed to mumble, hands shoved deep into his front pockets. If he could hide his entire self in those pockets, he wouldn't hesitate a single second.

"Fancy that; so was I." Harry laughed. He laughed and it didn't sound weird or forced. He laughed like nothing was wrong. Like he maybe hadn't seen them being anything but normal.

Feeling a rush of relief at this, Teddy raised his eyes from the pavement to survey his godfather. He looked alright. If he was shocked, he was hiding it well. There was nothing shaky about his bright smile or his totally appropriate level of interest. Teddy found himself smiling back. "Well, yeah. Duh."

Harry's look began to fall slightly, almost like he was catching on. "Well…next time you come to visit, Teddy, let me know. It would be nice for all three of us to do lunch."

The word 'no' was right on Teddy's tongue and he had to fight to hold it back. It was a selfish intrusive thought, but one that he meant wholeheartedly. He didn't want to share moments like this with anyone. Not that Harry was just anyone. He was, though, still someone  _else_  and he was someone who could easily see through them both. But he was also someone they both cared about very much and so because of that, Teddy said, "Definitely!" with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

"We should get back to work." James' own voice held not a trace of excitement when he hastily interrupted. If anything, he seemed a mite irritated. "Actually, Dad, I meant to come see you anyway. I've been put on my first investigation and-"

"You have? That's great! Why didn't you tell me? We should celebrate. Not tonight, obviously, but we cou-"

James made a show of stepping away from Teddy, his teeth gritted. "We have to  _go_." The insistence in his voice was laced with venom and it stung. But considering the circumstances, Teddy could let it go.

With an ambiguously affectionate squeeze to James' shoulder, Teddy took a few steps back. "Right, of course. I have an appointment in…in about an hour, anyway. So I should get going, too. Harry, are we still good for tonight? The house will be empty until eight."

"I'll be there," Harry promised and Teddy took that as his cue to leave. With one last longing look, he waved just a few fingers towards the both of them and watched as they disappeared through the Ministry entrance.


	16. Recreate First Date

_Date Night?_

The letter contained only those two words followed by a time and place. James knew the place by address alone and he knew it didn't sound like the ideal place for a date. Not that this stopped him from going, by any means. He apparated right into the sitting room of the Shrieking Shack at the correct time without a contrary thought otherwise. It had been days since their picnic. He missed Teddy too much to think rationally.

Their date was set for late at night, after sunset and just as the full moon was reaching its high point in the night sky. It seeped through the broken windows and bathed James' path along the squeaky floorboards. If he wasn't stuck on thinking about how eerie it was, this might have felt romantic. Maybe. "Teds?" he called out, unable to help the small shiver that ran down his back. "Teddy, are you here?"

Above him, footsteps tracked audibly towards the stairs. James followed them and ended up wearing a relieving grin as Teddy appeared at the top. "What are we doing here?" James laughed as he ascended the rickety stairs, only a minuscule shake to his voice.

"Making new memories."

The realization hit James like a ton of bricks and he nearly missed a step. This was their first,  _real_  date. This had also been the location of Teddy's first date with Victoire, as he well knew. And he really wasn't sure how to process those two facts together…. "New memories," he pondered, now on the landing in front of Teddy. As if of it's own accord, his hand came up to rest on the man's chest. But he wasn't pushing him away this time. "Please don't try to replace every memory of her with me…."

Teddy's arms settled around James waist and it took everything in him not to melt right in that spot. " _New_  memories," Teddy repeated, his lips in James' hair. "This spot means a lot to me and I just want to share that with you. Okay?"

His hesitation dissipating, James nodded and sank into the touch. "Show me what's so special, then."

James had been to the Shrieking Shack exactly two times before. Both of these times had been by the guide of the Marauder's Map and both of these times he had stayed for less than five minutes. The place creeped him out, not by reputation because he knew it all to be complete bullshit, but because it was just…eerie. Wind howled through its many cracks, half of the flooring felt like a person might fall right through, and every corner looked full of sinister shadows. All of this gave off a ' _stay away_ ' vibe that had him fully on board.

But as Teddy took him around the little house and showed him every part that reminded him of his family, his view of the place began to shift. He wondered if Victoire had been shown the claw marks on the walls or knew the exact spot Remus had proposed to Tonks in front of a roaring fire. He wondered if she had cared. He wondered if she had come to love this place, too, for the memories it could provide Teddy for the parents he never knew.

"I come here to think a lot," Teddy mused as they settled onto the recently cleaned rug in front of the fireplace in what used to be a library. "Especially during the full moon." The window bore no curtains and was perfect for watching the brilliant orange of the moon lighting the town below. "I feel…. I feel closest to him then. My dad." He smiled, but it held a definitive sadness. "I don't turn – I don't know if you knew that – but I do  _feel_  the moon. I feel it pulling at something deep inside of me. I feel it urging me to bask in its glow; to strip down and run naked through the woods." His cheeks tinged pink around the glow of the fire and James was helpless to resist pressing his lips against the heated flesh. "I never do. I have self-control. I'm  _lucky enough_ to have self-control."

The world 'lucky' stood out and James couldn't believe in it more. "We're all pretty fortunate to have been born into the world we were," he added softly, slipping his fingers through Teddy's in what he hoped was a comfortingly tight grip. "Our parents didn't have it easy. But they fought for the peace we grew up in. I think that's something to be proud of…as difficult as it can be to miss the ones who didn't get to grow with us."

As if to echo the somber tone, the house settled and made a concerning noise. James snuggled closer to Teddy both for warmth and comfort and was greeted with Teddy's satisfied sigh. "This is why I love you. You get it."

It was James' turn to go red, but he by no means shied away from mumbling back those three oh-so-important words.

He did get it. He knew the sacrifices everyone made to give them this future…there were no words to explain their importance. Being in this house with Teddy, building new memories on top of all those already laid by those who came before them, made that feeling all the more real.

Once again, James had to wonder how he stood up against Victoire and her date here. That had been so many years ago. So many versions of Teddy and herself ago. When she was thirteen, did this pressure feel as real? Would it have to James? He'd never really know, so he held tighter and closed his eyes, sinking into the moment. Knowing he would remember this forever.


	17. Hugs

Teddy could get used to this. Waking up with James in his arms, the stench of morning breath clogging his nose, even the kink in his back from sleeping on a thin rug all night. The good, the bad – all of it. He was in love with the feeling. He was in love with…well, with James.

Slowly, so as not to wake the boy, he detangled himself from James' arms. He clung like an octopus, tight and encompassing. And once he was lying there alone on the floor, he curled up into himself like a wounded animal. A moment later, he unfolded and stretched with a soft squealing noise. Slowly, his eyes opened to blink up at Teddy. Watching him track across the room and slip back into his shoes. "Morning," they both whispered at the same time, both dissolving into soft laughter.

"We should get going," Teddy suggested once he'd regained composure. His voice was hoarse from extensive use the night before and he reckoned he looked like hell. But he wouldn't trade their date for anything. If he was asked to do it all again, he would agree in a heartbeat. Not that he wasn't exhausted and sore in the moment.

Without an argument otherwise, James too dragged himself up from the floor and began to put himself back together. Mostly mentally, of course. They'd done nothing but talk during their night together. It had been complete innocence peppered with sweet kisses and lingering caresses. And that was exactly how they were going to leave things. Their fingers intertwined, they apparated a moment later to the front step of the Potter household.

The instant they touched down, however, the tone changed. The atmosphere felt strangled and full of danger. Falling prey to its stranglehold, Teddy loosened their fingers and took a look around. Down the street, Ms. Wallace was out for her morning stroll, but she wasn't paying attention to anything but her cell phone. Other than that, they were completely alone in this little part of the world. But just on the other side of this door….

Just on the other side was an entire family who currently thought of Teddy as the bad guy. The one who'd broken Victoire's heart. The one who'd cheated. And if they caught the two of them close like they had been the night before, well James would be lumped right into that category. That wasn't fair to him. Teddy couldn't be the one to drag him down into that dark pit. It didn't feel very warm down there. "I had a great night," Teddy whispered, aching at the distance between them.

"And we'll have more great nights in the future…I hope," James continued, fidgeting. He looked like he was dying, as well. He looked like he wanted exactly what Teddy was craving right now. To be alone again. "But I should get inside. They'll be wondering where I was last night."

"And being seen with me might not be the best idea right now. They might start to suspect…."

James merely nodded and pressed his back against the door. His palm hovered over the handle, but he still didn't go in. He was waiting for something. Teddy hoped it was a kiss. But he knew that was risky and he knew he shouldn't. So he sighed and closed the distance between them, only to end their amazing date with a hug. He could literally feel James deflating in his arms.

A mere second later, James turned the handle and opened the door a crack. Literally pulling himself out of the hug, his eyes cast downwards to avoid betraying emotion. "See you," he whispered, so many words left unsaid as he closed the door between them. Disappearing back into the front he had created for his life. Leaving Teddy behind to sort the mess he had created.

Something was going to have to change. He couldn't do this secret thing forever.


	18. Playlist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me forever. I had a hard time narrowing down the tone I wanted to go with here. But finally I found it and now...it feels perfect and ready. Enjoy.

 

_Songs for Losing "It"_

"But I've already… _lost_ 'it'…."

Teddy was grinning and suddenly James felt wary about this. About the burned CD in his hands labeled with such a vulgar title and the candles casting ambiance weighted with expectation around the room. About the cleansing spells he'd learnt and the intimidatingly red bottle of lube sitting on the nightstand. About this empty house and Teddy's empty childhood bed. About it all.

Perhaps sensing this hesitation, Teddy softened his look. "Yeah…but not in a penetrative sense."

James sighed, leaning against the door. It was the furthest he could get from that bed without leaving the room. What Teddy said was true, but James had admitted this through half-lidded eyes late at night. In a right state of mind, he never would have said anything. He was eighteen and had never experienced more than a blowjob. He wasn't even honestly sure how he'd missed out on…on  _that_. On all the parts that seemed so important now.

And now here Teddy was, begging to be fucked. By him. He'd been begging for a few weeks, gently of course. Never in a way that held urgency, but it still was very likely he'd been thinking about it for farther longer than the time he'd been speaking about it. And Merlin knew it was something James had been dreaming of, too. So why was he so nervous to make that a reality?

"We don't have to. I can wait until you're ready."

It was so fucked. He was dying for this but he couldn't keep his heart from racing or his stomach from churning. "But we said we were doing this tonight. We've been…. We've been planning! You made a goddamn playlist for it and everything! We can't just…." He released a slow breath through his nose, arms raised in a helpless gesture. "I'm ready, Teds. I'm just not… _ready_. Does that even make sense?"

Teddy's hands were so soft against James' cheeks. His words were so soft in James' ear. "Why don't we just…listen to the music? You can lie in my arms. I'll hold you until you fall asleep." What he suggested sounded both perfect and suffocating. It wasn't really what either of them wanted, but it was what they needed for the time being.

After James nodded, Teddy carefully led him towards his bed. Tucked him in. Kissed his forehead and promised to be back in just a moment. "I hope you like this," he chuckled, setting up the music to play before settling up behind James on the bed. Spooning in as close as possible, his fingers holding secure to James' collarbone. "I had to enlist Landon to help me. I hope that's alright…."

Grinning, James relaxed back into the kisses on his neck. If Landon helped, then he likely knew the occasion for which they'd made this playlist. That was bound to be an uncomfortable conversation later.

… _rest your head upon my shoulder._

_Just wanna feel your lips against my skin._

_White sheets, bright lights…._

But that was a worry for another time. "It's perfect," James whispered, surrendering to the woman's soft lyrics. And it was. That moment in time was absolutely perfect, highlighted by all the little things – the hauntingly soft melody, the soft breeze flowing in through the cracked window. Teddy's callused fingertips tracing circles against James' skin, slowing as his breathing began to deepen.

' _Cause I clutched your arms like stairway railings._

_And you clutched my brain and eased my ailing._

"Love you, Jamie..."

The words were lilted with the promise of sleep and James felt the weight of them sink into his bones. He smiled, curling tighter around the arm holding him so securely. If he could, he would stay in that moment forever. There was no expectation in that moment. Just… _this_. Just them. Just a room full of soft music and love and early-dozing snores.

_You're looking like you fell in love tonight._

_Could we pretend that we're in love?_


	19. Double Date

"-so vers, it's  _adorable_. Like, he can be such a super hungry bottom, but when that boy climbs up on top to do his thing…. It's like magic. I'm still not convinced-"

"And that's enough of that," Teddy interrupted, practically slamming their drinks down on the table. This was, very likely, a bad idea. He'd left for a mere few minutes to order at the bar and already this double date was off to a rocky start. James' fists were clenched by his sides. He was tense and uncomfortable and Teddy's friends were none the wiser.

"It's a compliment!" Christoph stated, wearing an unapologetic grin. He had shown up to the club already three sheets to the wind and had practically been in Sydney's lap since. The two had been dating for about as long as Teddy and James had been doing their…'thing'. But all three of them had been friends since their first night at Hogwarts. And, as friends, they had made a habit of crossing boundaries together. Unfortunately this gave his friends a good stock of ammo for embarrassment. But, in that moment, this inside information ended up ricocheting towards James.

Who looked, to the trained eye, very much ready to bolt. "It's inappropriate," Teddy sighed and pushed a gin and tonic into James' line of sight. "We're not…." James looked up quickly, alarm bright and shining in his eyes. "…there yet."

And that right there was the final straw. As much as he wanted to, Teddy couldn't take the words back. They were too loud, practically shouted to compete with the thumping music. Nor could he smooth over the angry frown on his boyfriend's face. "Fucking Christ, Teds…."

As they had just stumbled into unfamiliar waters, Sydney and Christoph leaned in. "You're not having sex?" Sydney asked, his tone a poor excuse for a whisper. Teddy shook his head, the motion almost imperceptible, and the other couple burst into raucous laughter.

"I want to leave." James' words were soft but insistent against Teddy's neck.

Only too happy to play this boy's hero, Teddy less-than-gently abandoned his drink. "Alright, chaps," he started, chest puffed and his grip on James' hand unmistakably protective.

"Oh, no no no!" his friends rushed to say, their palms out in defense. Teddy paused. "It's not like that!" Cristoph explained as he gestured for Teddy to sit back down. "We're not laughing at you. Promise. Teddy, c'mon. Sit back down. Please. Sit."

Teddy did  _not_  sit back down. He kept his post as bodyguard, brow raised and waiting for an answer.

"We've never heard you want to 'double date'. Not in so many words and especially not when you were with Victoire. We just…." Christophe looked around, as if worried someone in the packed and pulsing club would overhear.

"We thought you wanted to fuck," Sydney finished. "Y'know, all of us."

"Fourgy, man. We thought you wanted a fourgy."

It was Teddy's turn to cackle – loud and full of relief. James was still sitting ramrod straight at his side; then again when wasn't he? Overall, however, the atmosphere was starting to feel much less strangling. "I honestly just wanted an excuse for us all to get together and get pissed," Teddy said to clear the air. He sank back into his side of the polyester booth and threw his arm around James' squared shoulders. Feeling him melt just that much beneath the touch. "A fourgy…. You guys never asked for that when I was with Vie."

Christophe shrugged, completing his slide into Sydney's lap. Pressed up against his chest and possessive as a kitten. "Isn't it on everybody's bucket list to fuck a Potter?"

"Is it?"

"In my experience – yes," Teddy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose for a long moment before taking a full gulps of his drink. "And I, apparently, count as a bonus item. A more attainable bonus item…."

"'Cause he's a slut," Sydney stated plainly. Too plainly.

"Or because I'm not a blood-born Potter?" Teddy countered, but quickly added, "And maybe partly because of my deft ability to keep a warm bed."

It wasn't necessary to look down. Teddy already knew James was a bit freaked out. They hadn't had this conversation yet. The one that detailed just how 'popular' he had been in school. James had been so young and innocent for Teddy's last years. It wasn't likely he had heard anything churning through the rumor mill. Especially not once he and Victoire became exclusive and ultimately committed. So hearing this all now, when the two of them hadn't quite gone that far yet, could understandably be a bit of a shock.

Blunt as ever, James finally spoke after a moment of attempted processing – "So once we start shagging,  _are_  you going to want group sex with your friends? Is that a question I should prepare for?"

Afraid to take too long on formulating an answer back, Teddy merely chuckled and pinched the boy's side. "I think that's something we discuss in private as a couple when the time arises. But for now…." He leaned in slowly, following James' soft brown eyes into a delicate kiss. So full of sweetness that it felt like a riot against the backdrop of carnal club imagery. "For now I just want to enjoy you."

"Fucking sap!" Sydney shouted from across the table, but neither of them paid any mind. They were lost in one another. Lost in the weight of what Teddy's declaration meant. Lost in the field of unspoken words and perfectly matched understanding between them. Totally alone in a moment just for them and absolutely content in that feeling.


	20. Try Something New

"It's an omen."

Teddy laughed. He was rarely serious and sometimes James hated it. It was just an intrusive thought and he always brushed it off. But not before he rolled his eyes, of course.

"I think it's an omen and…and I can't do this."

Teddy was no longer laughing. His smile was fading slowly, like James' seriousness was just starting to sink in. "Because…because of a cookie?"

They'd ordered Chinese takeaway. It was a treat. It was a celebration. It was the two of them sitting on the floor of Teddy's new apartment, trying to master the art of chopsticks. Trying and failing. It was the first night in this new apartment and they'd been planning this. It was supposed to be  _the_ night. The real night this time. James had promised and he had prepared and…and now the night was here and it felt far too real.

And now a fortune cookie was taunting him.

" _No_ ," James huffed. "No, not because of a damn cookie. Because…." He sighed and threw the tiny paper fortune as far as it would go. Which wasn't far. It merely floated for a half second before landing near his knee. Face up and taunting him with  _"Today is a good day to try something new"_. "Because I think it's too soon. Maybe this isn't something we should plan."

"You said planning it made you feel more comfortable." Teddy looked frustrated. Half of James was sure it was for a good reason, but the other half…. "You said you wanted to wait until I had my own place. Until you were  _sure_  we were alone. You said you wanted it to be special and our own space. That  _this_  would make it more special.  _What_  has changed?"

Absolutely nothing had changed. Watching Teddy rearrange furniture all day, by hand because he'd said doing it with magic didn't feel right, had him feeling some type of way. A type of way that should have made it incredibly easy to rumple that bed they had so carefully made. And still…there he sat, cross-legged on the floor. Fully clothed. Stuffing his face. And, most importantly, a full meter away from the man he thought he wanted to be intimate with. "Nothing," James whispered, unable to look up from his food.

Which meant he missed Teddy crawling towards him until it was too late. Until Teddy was knocking the food violently out of his hands, spilling sweet and sour sauce all over the clean, new carpet. Until Teddy was pushing him –  _pushing_  him – backwards with a violence he had never felt before. A concerning mix of panic and thrill pumped through James' heart and he opened his mouth to stammer a protest. Only…he couldn't find the words. He merely laid there like a gasping fish out of water, staring up at Teddy. Waiting for him to make a further move.

" _You_  planned this," Teddy whispered, the soft intonation a stark contrast to the heaviness of his palm between James' thighs. "If you're changing your mind, I need to know now."

How could James even  _think_  about changing his mind when Teddy gripped him like that? When his skilled fingers slipped under James' belt and popped the button of his trousers. "But what if…," he started, but wasn't sure how to finish it. There were too many 'what if's rolling around through his mind and every single one of them in that moment seemed trivial. Nothing was more important than this moment right here. "Just kiss me, okay?" he hissed, stretching out Teddy's collar with his insistence. "Why the hell haven't I fucked you yet?"

Teddy's laugh filled the little apartment, breathing light into every untouched corner. "That is a very good question." He did just as he was asked, capturing James' lips in a deep kiss. James felt it in his soul. He felt it in his  _toes_. He felt that kiss in every single part of his body and every single synapse in his brain was shouting at him for putting this off for so long.

In the end, nothing went as James thought it would. Meaning, nothing went wrong. Teddy was more than ready – gaping and begging to be filled – and James found himself helpless to resist. And fuck if Teddy wasn't tight and perfect and the epitome of the hungry bottom his friends had portrayed him to be. He took every pump and thrust with vigor and pride. And the way he arched his back when he came? It was like a renaissance painting come to brilliant life.

The only regret James had was that it was over almost as soon as it had begun. He had no stamina and embarrassed himself by popping off far too early. "We can go again in a bit," Teddy panted, sprawled out over the scratchy carpet. His palms and knees were smeared with angry burns, but he seemed all too happy to relish in that pain. To lie back and feel every single sensation while James' fluids soaked a stain into the carpet beneath him.

James watched the progression of the darkening patch from his crumpled sitting position. Smiling despite his setbacks. "Maybe," he pondered. To his side, the abandoned mess of their dinner caught his eye. The stark white of the paper fortune jumping out at him and brightening that grin.

In the end, the stupid thing had been right – it was a  _perfect_  day to try something new. And he would happily keep trying those new things with Teddy if the result was seeing the man so openly vulnerable like this at any given chance.


	21. Whisper Sweet Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been wanting to do something in "Hills Like White Elephants" style for awhile, so this prompt worked out perfectly for me.

****"What time is it?"

"Day…night…. Sometime in between. Does it matter?"

"Well, we've missed the last two days of work. There's only so long someone can be sick without going to the hospital. And I'm sure my parents are worried about where I've been. We probably should get some sleep before tomorrow shows up. Or today. Whatever time it is."

"Or we could just stay here in my bed forever."

"Give me a reason to stay, then."

"You mean that thing I did with my tongue…that wasn't enough of a reason?"

"Be serious."

"Fine…. Although, I do feel like that's a good enough excuse on its own. I feel like  _I'm_ a good enough excuse. I know for a fact you feel safe when you're in my arms like this. I know that you can never get enough of my lips on your neck. And…and I know you don't really want to leave. If you didn't have to, you never would."

"I'm still not hearing a more valid reason. I need something that can beat continued employment."

"Okay, then. How about this? Move in with me."

"Oh."

"You'll never have to leave."

"You've got to be fucking joking."

"Actually…no…."

" _Oh_."

"Unless you're against it in which case – yeah I'm totally joking."

"No, it's not…it's not that. I just think…. It's only been a couple months. And really all we've done is sneak around. I know we're a weird exception to the typical relationship rules, but that's still soon. Isn't it? I mean, we only just crossed the intimacy boundary three days ago."

"And it was so spectacular that I demand you be in this bed every night. It's a matter of my survival, really."

"Teddy."

"If you're not here, I might just have to take care of things myself. You don't want that, do you?"

" _Teddy_."

"Jamie."

"I'm not moving in with you-"

"I-I know. It was a joke. Remember?"

"I'm not moving in with you  _until_  we're out."

"I didn't know that was something you wanted."

"I'm still not sure if it is. Especially considering how you still get the stink eye from half the family because of the divorce. I think…. I think we need to enjoy each other for a bit longer before leaping into that mess."

"So…you're saying once you're ready for that, you'll be ready to live with me?"

"Perhaps."

"When that time arises…would you also marry me, then?"

"Teddy…."

"I know; too soon. We'll circle back to that later. You're right; we should get some rest."

"I do love you, Teddy."

"I know. Now go to sleep before I change my priorities."


	22. Gala

"Your hand is sweaty."

Teddy sighed heavily, dislodging his fingers from James' in order to wipe his palm down the front of his trousers. The action left a mildly noticeable wet line down the grey fabric, but that was the least of his problems. The highest on his list lay just beyond that door. "Harry's gonna deck me."

"No he won't," James reassured. "Not in front of a room full of so many important people…."

His reassurance was not comforting. Not even the slightest. "Let's just get it over with," he spat towards his shoes. "If we wait any longer, I think I'll vomit. And fuck if I need a drink."

James' hand on his shoulder brought some semblance of comfort but definitely did nothing for his nerves. And as they walked into the Ministry atrium – full of reporters and absolutely every influential person in the wizarding world alike – those nerves only intensified. He could hear nothing but his heartbeat in his ears and could feel nothing but James' fingers crushing his own.

This had been James' idea. He said his father's annual gala to benefit his work with war orphans around the world was without a doubt the best place to announce their relationship to the world. Their family and the papers would all find out at the same time – it killed both unfortunate horses at once. Teddy thought it was a terrible idea and just knew he would come out a villain on at least one side. Likely both.

They only had to walk a mere five steps in before this theory was put to the test. Of course it was Harry who caught sight of them first. He always stationed himself close to the door to be able to greet everyone as they walked in. He always had to be the most personable and passionate person in the room. And rightly so. So his grin was bright as he excused himself and walked briskly to his boys.

But it began to fade the closer he came. Just enough for them to notice. His eyes were fixed on their clasped hands, his steps far too quick. "Boys," he greeted quietly, brow raised. Unable to meet their eyes. "I assume you're wanting me to ask about this…." He nodded towards their hands, but couldn't put a name to what made him uncomfortable.

"I don't want to hide this anymore," James stated, so sure. But Teddy could see the small things that gave away his own worry – the slight quiver of his jaw and the way his index finger tapped against the back of Teddy's hand.

Harry fidgeted and looked around. Likely trying to gauge who might have seen the display of affection before reaching forward and pushing their hands apart. "This isn't the right time. It's not the right place. We…we'll talk about it later. But for now I need the two of you to go home."

This was somehow worse than a fist to the face. Harry was ashamed. Teddy opened his mouth to defend them, but found himself too shocked for words. It felt like a failure in a moment that mattered most.

Thankfully James had enough bravery for the both of them. "It wasn't a question," he stated – plain and unarguable. "The turnout is fantastic this year. You should be proud of yourself, Dad. Now, I think we'll go dance. If you have a problem with that, you can have security remove us and make a hell of a scene."

Of course Harry Potter wasn't going to make a scene at his own charity event. So there was nothing he could do but watch his son and godson walk away, hand-in-hand and unabashed. Or…maybe a bit abashed and uncomfortable and aware of all the prying eyes following them to the dance space. Watching them settle into one another's arms, swaying to the string quartet's easy waltz. Silent but judging with every soft whisper or snuck glance.

"Are you alright?" Teddy asked softly, attempting to ignore all this. Attempting to pretend it was just the two of them – alone and secret. Comfortable like it had been when they were alone.

"I expected it." James wouldn't meet Teddy's eyes. He looked like he might cry. "To an extent, anyway. I guess I didn't expect him to be…." His voice choked and Teddy held him closer, fingers cradling the back of his neck. "I think he's ashamed of me…."

"It's all on me." And Teddy absolutely believed that. If it had been some other man on James' arm today – someone closer to his age or someone who wasn't a known cheating arsehole – this wouldn't be an issue. Harry wasn't a bigot. He  _was_  protective, though, and that right there was the stem of the problem. Teddy wasn't good enough for his son. That stung. "I'll fix it. I will. I promise."

"Just dance with me," James sighed, his face burrowing into Teddy's collarbone. "He'll accept it or he won't. And at this moment…I just want to dance with you and not worry about it. You look too good in those dress robes to be worrying about what my dad thinks." A small smile pushed through his dejected look and he leaned up to put his lips to Teddy's earlobe, whispering, "I'd rather focus on every single centimeter waiting for me beneath those perfectly tailored trousers." Full-on grinning now, James pulled back, but not before pausing to press a contrastingly gentle kiss to Teddy's parted lips.

"You're the worst," Teddy chuckled, running thoughts of less sexy things through his mind in order to keep up a presentable appearance.

"Hey, if we're gonna end up in the papers, it might as well be for something big," James laughed back, slipping back into himself for the moment. It was going to be Teddy's goal that night to keep him distracted and happy. Keeping James happy was all that mattered now, even if that meant they ended up alone.


	23. Memories

_**Potter Boy Confirmed Home Wrecker** _

It was pretty much exactly what they had expected. The Prophet had never been kind to their family and this would, of course, we no exception. "I thought I chucked that in the bin," James grumbled, pushing the newspaper away from his mug. Cleansing his sacred space of its gossipy trash.

"Yeah, I fished it out," Teddy said and he was smiling as he sat beside James. On the table before him, he delicately placed a tattered old album.

But all that mattered was James' father sitting across from them. He looked wrong in Teddy's home. Anyone besides the two of them here looked wrong…especially when James' mind made the connection to all the places they had 'broken in' the apartment. "James is right; it belongs in the trash," Harry stated clearly and slowly.

"That is where you both are wrong. It belongs in the scrapbook."

"For the love of Merlin, what is 'the scrapbook'?"

Teddy grinned brighter and gripped James' hand under the table, likely attempting to instill a semblance of calm in his jumpy exterior. "Well, many a newspaper and magazine have reported on me over the years…and I've saved as many articles as I possibly could." He patted the fraying cover like it was something precious. "They're a good reminder of failed perception."

Harry sighed heavily. "This isn't a case of 'failed perception', boys. This is…." He gestured rather violently towards the newspaper. "This is  _exactly_  what it looks like."

"Dad…." James echoed the sigh, knowing there was really no use in denying the circumstances. "Okay, fine. Yes…I  _am_  the reason their marriage ended. But that's not what's important here. What's important is that…. Dad, I love Teddy. And I'm about ninety-nine percent sure he loves me, too." Teddy squeezed his fingers, affirming this and bringing about a soft blush. "So, sure, the Prophet per usual had part of the facts correct. But they always miss something of the truth in there."

Next to him, Teddy flopped open the scrapbook on the table. "' _Half-Breed War Orphan Rejected By War Hero Harry Potter_ _',_ " he read solemnly from the first page. "They printed this article shortly after the war ended. Shortly after my parents died. Gran started the scrapbook with this article. She thought it was an important lesson for me to learn early. We're always going to be in the spotlight, but we don't have to let the hate that spotlight brings taint our lives. I know you didn't reject me; you just weren't ready to be a parent at eighteen. Just like you should know that James didn't wreck my marriage…I did that all on my own. And I am happier for it. And I  _do_  love James. Very much."

James found it impossible to keep the cheesy smile from lighting up his face. He covered his mouth, unable to meet his dad's eyes. Not from shame – he could never be ashamed of this – but from a need to avoid judgment after so blatantly baring his soul.

"Of course Andromeda would do something like this." Harry's voice when he finally spoke again, after obvious contemplation, was a tad lighter. Just a tad. And he was even attempting a small upturn of his lips James noticed when he had the courage to look up for a moment. "She's a smart woman, your gran. And I do understand what you're saying…but unfortunately that doesn't change the fact that this relationship of yours isn't appropriate."

"Forgive my disrespect…but what is so inappropriate here?" James was glad Teddy had the nerve to ask because he was feeling every bit the scolded child.

Harry exhaled heavily, throwing his hands up in the air. "I guess if you're going to make me say it…. The two of you are practically brothers. And I'm not a fan of the age difference. You also have to consider the unhealthiness of how this all started. While we're at it…we may as well note that James isn't even… _gay_."

It was in the next moment that James decided he wanted Teddy to fight every single one of his battles in the future. "And if  _you're_ gonna make  _me_  say it: We're not brothers," Teddy spat, listing each point on his fingers. "One, we're not related. We were raised near each other, but are no closer in relation than friends. Two, my parents had nearly twice the age gap James and I do. Three, I won't defend how we started this, but I do rather love the outcome. I enjoy being happy. And, finally, James seems to enjoy sticking his cock up my arse. I'd say that qualifies him as queer enough."

" _Teddy_ ," both James and Harry hissed at the same time, their tones carrying varying levels of embarrassment and discomfort. Deep down, however, James was beaming with pride and, perhaps, a bit turned on. No one had ever stood up for him so violently or plainly. It was also likely no one ever would again.

"I just want you to understand," Teddy muttered a tense moment after his outburst. "This…this relationship we're pursuing…. It all means a lot to me. And I guess I'm not ready to give that up for anyone, let alone for the impossibly high standards of the Prophet."

Although Teddy's indigence had faded out, his words were still passionate and inarguable. They clouded the air, strangling sound and spreading reason far too valid to ignore. "I just don't want to see either of my boys hurt," Harry finally admitted while pulling Teddy's album closer. Flipping through the pages with a haunted smile.

Since Teddy had already so profoundly laid his love out on the table, James figured it was his turn. "Neither of us want that, either. We just want each other," he interrupted just as Teddy opened his mouth to speak, gripping his knee gently under the table.

Since there was nothing left to argue, Harry merely nodded and...well, that was that. They were officially an outed couple.


	24. Parenthood

Teddy hadn't so much as seen his ex-wife since the night when everything exploded, let alone spoken to her. And then, out of the blue, there Victoire was exactly five months and six days later. Standing outside Teddy's apartment door, looking like she wanted to knock but might have forgotten how. Her hand was poised mid-air when Teddy opened the door, scaring them both into labored breathing. If he hadn't ever opened the door, he was sure she would have been standing there for hours.

"Let me in, please," Victoire whispered, her voice shaky even then, but still persuasive.

"Sure." Teddy stood back, forgetting his plans of going to work for the time being. "Sorry for the mess. We've been…." He cleared his throat, trailing off in his excuse. It was probably best not to mention James when she looked so fragile. "Just sorry."

As if in a trance, Victoire floated into the apartment. Her special breed of magic lit up the room in a way Teddy could never get used to. Even now, he was so in love with her. "It's good to see you," he said and he meant it. Even if they were no longer together, he did still miss their friendship. They had been friends for so long and being at such odds didn't feel right. "You look great. I mean, you always look radiant but today…."

"It's the baby."

Teddy's mouth went dry. He forgot how to speak. He forgot how to do much of anything, his hand frozen on the door midway through closing it behind them. All he could manage was a blank stare, his mind running too fast to process. Counting months and trying to recall distant memories. Attempting to make some sort of reason out of that simple statement before finally managing a whispered, "What?"

"Don't worry," Victoire laughed. "It's not yours."

"Then whose is it?"

"I don't actually know." Instantly, Teddy's expression grew more confused, but she saved him by explaining further. "After our divorce, I decided I wanted a child. And I also decided I wasn't going to wait around for a man to realize he wanted one with me." She traced her fingers over her belly, a fond smile on her lips. "It was an anonymous donor."

The world felt like it was spinning faster than usual and Teddy was dizzy. He snapped the door the rest of the way closed, leaning upon it while staring at the floor and just trying to process. "Why is it you're here, then? Why even tell me at all?"

"I wanted to see that happy spark disappear from your eyes for just one second." Victoire's voice was measured and cool, a violent juxtaposition to mere moments ago. It was becoming apparent that her nervous composure had all been for show. "And because I didn't want you to hear from someone else and assume you had any rights to the child. I'm doing this alone and perfectly content with it."

She had done just as she had planned. Teddy was lingering somewhere near devastated. A series of 'what if's filled the rational space of his brain, making it difficult to think of anything but the future he gave up on. Since before the two of them even became a couple, they had both talked passionately about becoming parents. It was one of the things that made Teddy fall for Victoire. But he'd ripped that opportunity cleanly from their hands and she was there in that moment to make sure he was aware of this.

Victoire smoothed her palms over her stomach and the barest bump was visible. Just enough to set Teddy's mind on a dead-ended track. "I just…I wanted you to know what you've given up. I had hoped that I would be enough of a prize, but apparently I was wrong. I do know you had wanted this, though. I can't change your mind. We can't go back…. And  _you're_ going to have to find a way to live with that."

It's not like Teddy would ever  _want_  to go back. James was his future now and he loved what they had. They were good together. Sometime in the near future, James was going to move in to this very apartment. Eventually he would have to accept Teddy's consistent asking…right? The point was - they were going places. They were also content. And  _happy_. And maybe sometime in the even further future they would have that conversation about children. Or they wouldn't and it would be just fine.

"I'm glad you're…so…." Teddy sighed heavily through his nose. "I'm glad you're doing this for yourself. After the way I left you, you definitely deserve something better. You deserve everything, Vie. I mean it." The words tasted like metal in his mouth, but they were the right thing to say. They were the truth. Teddy was  _that_  asshole and Victoire was too wonderful for the shitty situation she had been put in.

For a moment, Victoire remained silent. She looked slightly thrown by Teddy's contrition. "Whatever, Teddy. I don't want to hear it," she muttered. Her level of power had been diminished and it appeared she was uncomfortable with that. Which felt like a small victory that he really shouldn't own. "That was all I came to tell you. Other than that, I have nothing to discuss with you." To finalize her point, she stormed her way back to the door and wrenched it open.

Watching her go stung in ways Teddy wasn't prepared for. In ways he had no right to feel. In ways that were in no way fair to James and the relationship they cherished.


	25. Sex in a Weird Place

Teddy was checked out. He was quiet and he was aloof. He was… _off_. There was a stale, quiet quality to their relationship that James had no idea how to fix. If it was even something he was supposed to be fixing…. If it was even something he had broken in the first place.

Whether it was his fault or not, James had hatched a plan. They needed a jolt, a push, to get them back on track. It needed to be rash and jarring and it needed to be a shock. A passionate and memorable shock.

And that led James to this very moment. To the cold breath of early autumn covering his bare legs in gooseflesh as he stood in wait. Naked and bared to the world, a grand gesture to his slack-jawed boyfriend. A stunning surprise that needed no explanation and no words. Just a single finger crooked towards Teddy to summon him closer.

"Is there a reason you're starkers on a Spanish beach?" Teddy chuckled, soft and confused.

"You know why."

That seemed to be enough. Teddy followed James' insistent eyebrow raise with too much pleasure. His grin was the widest it'd been in weeks and he wasted no time in shedding his own clothes. His arms were gentle when they circled around James and his voice was husky when he whispered the dangerous things he wanted to do. "Pretty ballsy," Teddy ended with, so perfectly palming James' bollocks. "Luring me here…to the villa where I spent my honeymoon with my  _wife_ …. To the beach where I rejected you."

"Are you gonna reject me tonight?" James whispered back. "Would you reject me if I asked you to fuck me? Really  _fuck_  me…." He nudged Teddy's hand backwards to affirm his suggestion, shivering as a mere fingertip grazed his asshole.

"I promised myself some time ago that I would never reject you again." Teddy pressed ever so slightly inside of James. "You've slicked yourself up for me, haven't you? You're rather gagging for it."

James wasn't sure he would describe it so vividly. It was more of a necessity. It was a rare, calculated move made to ensure their relationship continued to thrive. It was Teddy's deepest wish, growled into darkness during the stranglehold between orgasm and sleep. Although James might not be 'gagging' for this, he knew Teddy was and he would oblige this desire if it meant reigning Teddy back in where he belonged. "Just for you," he whispered. "Only ever for you…so, go on then.  _Take me_."

Only too happy to oblige, Teddy pushed in further and pulled a stunted gasp from James' lungs. "I just want to make you happy." His words tickled James' ear, putting him on absolute edge. "I just want to make you  _feel_. I just want to make you mine…."

"I'm yours for as long as you want me." James couldn't keep his words from breaking, especially not with a second finger filling him. Equal parts pleasure and discomfort were settled into his nerves. He didn't know if he wanted to moan or cry. Which had him wrestling quite uncomfortably with the motives behind this endeavor. "I just hope that ends up being forever because I love you more than my own happiness or safety. Now fuck me before I change my mind."

The wet sand was glaringly cold against James' back. The chill bit into his skin, feeling like thousands of tiny needles digging in at once. Feeling like just punishment for the deception of this moment. Not that it wasn't the exact magic Christoph had promised it would be. James would swear he'd never felt more whole or more real than in the moment Teddy took him. But he couldn't help how wrong it felt in his gut. He couldn't help but to feel slimy even in his afterglow.

"I'm never leaving you," Teddy whispered and it was a definite promise even as he pulled out and left James empty. Leaving behind nothing but phantom sensations and oozing spunk. "We  _are_  forever. I promise you."

James bit his lip, trying to hold back his concerns. Trying and failing. "Lately it doesn't exactly feel that way. Lately…it feels like I might be temporary? Like maybe you've checked out."

The cold of the night sunk into their bones as silence stretched out between them. As a gust of wind carried the chill of the sea closer, Teddy burrowed his nose into James' neck. Kissing him gently, likely as a means of distraction. "I promise you we're okay."

"Then what's the matter? Why is this the first time we've had a real conversation in weeks?"

"Victoire is pregnant."

James frowned but beneath that he was angry. He was no longer cold, not with the promise of uncontrolled violence looming in his fingers. "What?" he snapped and sat up quickly.

Following him at a more reasonable pace, Teddy reached for James' hand. An advance he deftly avoided. "It's not mine. It's no one's. She's up the duff all on her own, apparently. She didn't need me, even though we had planned for this since we were kids."

"Is this regret, then?"

Teddy's shrug was exactly the opposite of reassuring. "In a way? I guess." He groaned, head falling into his hands. "A year ago, all I wanted was to get pregnant with the love of my life. Now, I guess, I don't know what I want. Aside from you," he rescued. "I know I want you for the rest of my life. In whatever way you'll have me." He didn't give James the time to reject him this time, pulling him into a lip-splitting kiss. "I shouldn't be grieving a child who was never mine. I know that and I'll get over it. This helps." Teddy gestured between them. "Talking and…and being together. I'm starting to feel better already."

The Spanish moon bathed Teddy in a haunting glow and James had to stop himself from seeing an ending looming in the shadows.


	26. Language of Flowers

"Please tell me you're almost done. I'm about ready to kick you in the teeth for this pain."

Teddy merely smiled, soft and serene as he concentrated. This was a momentous moment and he wasn't about ready to give it up. "Almost; just doing the finishing touches now." He slipped his fingers through James' for a quick moment as he refreshed the ink on his needle. "Pain is beauty, Jamie."

It truly was beautiful in the end. Teddy was sure he'd never been more in love with any tattoo he'd ever designed. But he supposed that all stemmed from bias. He cast a few charms to promote healing and to ensure the piece would never fade and…that was that.

Teddy's love was forever immortalized on James Potter's hipbone. It was glorious.

"What do you think?" he whispered, barely containing the urge to run his fingers over the freshly carved skin. "Is the end result worth hearing me beg to tattoo you for years?"

At first, James didn't speak. His body was arched at an awkward angle to see the work of art while still being careful not to irritate the tender skin. "Flowers?" he finally asked after a long look. "You've done flowers on me? Merlin, now I really look like a ponce…."

Since he was already eager and grinning, Teddy was able to brush off the initial reaction. "Not just any flowers. They're flowers that mean something."

"What do foxglove and…and poppies mean, then?"

"Not foxglove," Teddy corrected and helped his boyfriend out of the relaxed chair. He led him to a full mirror, thankful they had the shop to themselves since James' bits were only hardly covered. Holding the boy loosely around the chest, he met his eyes in their reflection. "Poppy and lupin."

"Lupin…," James mulled, the barest start of a smile edging the corner of his mouth. "So that part's easy to get, but how about the poppies? What're they for?"

Teddy couldn't hold back a grin. He'd been planning this meticulously and containing himself had been the hardest part. "Different cultures have varying traits they associate to their flowers. My favorite symbolization for the red poppies is a deep and passionate love, but they can also show remembrance in death. And lupins, in addition to their obvious meaning here, can be used to show a voracious desire for something. Together, entwined in stunning and vivid color, the two represent me wanting to love you until the day I die."

The smile took over James' face for real now; he was truly beaming. "A bit macabre but alright." He leaned up on his toes and turned his head just enough to press his lips to Teddy's chin. "Honestly, it's beautiful. I've said it before, but I'll do it once more – you're talented."

"I'm glad you think so," Teddy murmured, feeling the weight of his nerves sink in at that very moment. It was time. His bones feeling mechanical, he sunk down to the floor. As he did, he turned James to face him with his hands clasped within his own. "Because I do mean it, Jamie," he continued, letting go of James and reaching into his pocket.

"Teddy…," James whispered back and it almost felt like a warning.

Teddy dismissed the worry with a wave of his hand. "I know it seems soon." Far too soon, he was sure. "Victoire and I separated only six months ago…. But I've loved you for so much longer than the time we've had since caving into this. I've loved you since Ginny announced you were growing within her." From his pocket, Teddy produced a jewelry box. It was only too obvious what he was intending and James backed up a step when he saw this. Teddy persisted even in the face of possible heartache. "Nothing has to change if you say 'yes'. We can wait to move in together until you're ready. We can have as long of an engagement as you want. I just…I want to show you just how passionate I am about this relationship and about you."

When Teddy popped the lid of the box, James took another step back. He righted his trousers and looked towards the door. But Teddy kept going. "It's just a ring and nothing has to change. We can keep letting this relationship progress at a reasonable pace. But in the future, however far off that might be, I want to marry you. I want to wake up beside you every morning. I want to fall asleep in your arms every night. I want…I want to raise a family with you and I want to see you grow old. I just want you and I want the world to know it."

James was frowning and he refused to look anywhere but at the flowers on his hip. Recognizing this as thinking, he waited. He waited there with his knee digging into the tile and his arms growing weak from holding the ring out after having worked with them for hours. He would wait until he had an answer. He wasn't the type to give up. "People are going to say-"

"Fuck them," Teddy interrupted.

James sighed heavily and threw his hands in the air. "Yes, then. Just…. I don't want to talk about a wedding anytime soon. Okay?"

All Teddy cared about was the 'yes'. Tears burnt at the corners of his eyes as he stood and pulled James back into his arms. Kissing his face wherever he could while unable to hold back his relieved laughter. "You let me know when you're ready, okay?" While James nodded, Teddy slipped the ring onto his finger. It fit perfectly and matched the rosy gold of Teddy's bracelet. Instead of a wolf adorning the ring, however, the antlers of a stag branched off over the boy's finger. Harry had helped him pick it out, despite his reservations. He'd said there was nothing more perfectly fitting and Teddy couldn't in that moment disagree.


	27. Bad Habits

"I just think…. Maybe I'm too young?" James let out a smoke-filled sigh. "Teddy wants to settle down and I don't know that I'm there yet."

Across from him, Landon was grinning. He'd been saying this for months. "You've not done all your 'experimenting' yet."

"Right," James agreed, frowning instantly afterwards. "I mean…yeah, I guess. But I don't know if that's even what I want. I just…." He groaned, loud and long. "I don't know if I should be making a life-long commitment at eighteen."

"Preach!" Laughing like a banshee, Landon took another long pull from the spliff before passing it back. "Honestly, bruv," he started, pausing to take a drink of his beer before letting the breath back out. "Honestly, I don't think you should be jumping in before sampling other merchandise. If ya know what I mean…."

James rolled his eyes. He laid back in the grass, allowing the sun to burn his eyes for a moment before shutting them tight. Watching the spots dance behind the lids and counting the seconds they took to clear. He knew what Landon meant. He knew it too well and knew it was something he'd been terrible at keeping off his brain.

This was his first _real_ relationship. His first 'I love you' and his first fuck. Now…it was his first engagement. Not that he planned on having more than one. He did really and truly love Teddy. He loved him in a way that was all-consuming and uncomfortable. But that didn't negate the fact that there might be someone else out there equally fitted for him. His fingers went automatically to the still-fresh tattoo at his hip. He ran them over the memorized outline of the pinks and yellows of the lupin buds and the poppies the color of fresh blood. James was still taken aback by the passion of the other night. The gesture and the result were stunning. And he was still regretting saying 'yes', as dirty as that made him feel.

What made it even worse was how he was coping - drinking and smoking more than usual. Which wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't doing it specifically to avoid dealing with his actual feelings. Or if he wasn't taking care to hide it from everyone but his best mate. He just couldn't help, though, how free he felt hidden in the forest clearing behind Landon's home. This clearing held so many memories and it felt safe. It felt like a place where expectations didn't exist. In this state with his addled mind, he felt like he could easily live here forever.

"I love him." It was a plain and simple statement. In an ideal world, it would stand on its own. James shouldn't need to follow those words with any further explanation, but the weight of obligation was heavy on his tongue. "I do…but I need some space."

James choked on a new puff the instant he felt a band of pressure across his midsection. Throwing his eyes open, he blinked up at Landon. Who blinked back, just once, before leaning in. He pressed down on James' bottom lip, releasing the small amount of smoke he'd managed to keep in. Capturing it with a lilted smile and a cheeky wink. And sealing it all with a deep kiss that stoked the fire of James' insecurity.

"What are you doing?" James whispered, but his dark tone betrayed his disinterest in the answer. "We can't…. We really can't."

"You need to experiment. And I'm curious, too. Don't you wanna show me, bruv, what's so good about gettin' dicked?"

James wanted that very much. But the weight of that engagement ring was heavy on his finger. He sighed heavily and pushed at Landon's chest. A well-meaning gesture that quickly turned into a caress towards more southern areas. "We really should just…drink and toke, Lan."

" _No_ ," Landon insisted, absolutely grinning while grinding down into the touch. "I'm literally begging you to fuck me, Jamie. Just say 'yes'."

James didn't say a single word. All he could manage was a resigned groan, too distracted by Landon's fingers wrapped so suddenly around his cock. And, fuck, he was far too deep in his own head to not respond with extreme vigor.


	28. Argument

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was bound to take a dramatic turn with these last few prompts, but...eh, it's been foreshadowed so I don't hate it. Let me know what you think, though!

 

Teddy felt it radiating off of James before he even said a word. The guilt.

"I fucked up…."

But that didn't stop it from hurting. That didn't stop him from cowering inside in anticipation of what that might mean.

"I need you to understand it meant nothing before I tell you what happened…."

"You cheated on me. That's what happened," Teddy whispered to keep himself from screaming the house, or apartment, down. It was the only explanation for this awkward shiftiness. He'd been there and knew the way that particular guilt could settle in a person. "Just tell me who fucking with?"

James pulled in a deep breath and took a step forward. He reached for Teddy but was instantly rejected. Violently with a slap at his outstretched hand. The anger was burning holes in his rationality, turning him more hostile with every passing second. "Landon," James muttered, stepping back and rubbing at his wound. "It was stupid. I was having second thoughts after you proposed, and…. I was spinning out. It just sorta happened, Teds. But it won't again.  _Never_  again."

"Are you saying it's my fault, then?" James shrugged and Teddy felt a burning need to punch something. "You are! You're saying that because I had the fucking  _nerve_  to lay my feelings out for you, you just  _had_  to go and fuck your mate!" James flinched at Teddy's raised voice. He flinched and he backed away like he was scared. But Teddy was blinded by his anger. He didn't even see it. "Since when is Landon interested in you, anyway? Seven years and suddenly…you're with me and that makes you interesting enough for a lay?"

With a frown, James took his last step back and hit a wall. He slid down it with a heavy sigh. "Lan didn't even enjoy himself…. I don't think."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" It didn't. Teddy was sure nothing would. "To know that it won't happen again because the guy you fucked around on me with doesn't  _want_  to do it again?"

"That's not why…."

The closest thing Teddy could reach when he felt the sudden urge to throw something happened to be a glass. It hit the wall just above James' head and shattered into a spray of a hundred pieces. A few shards flecked the boy's skin, but most merely settled in his hair and across his shoulders. " _Teddy_ ," he whispered in disbelief. "What the fuck…."

Teddy looked down at his hands. They were shaking and his heart was pounding like it was threatening to burst. He knew he should apologize but couldn't find a way to force the words to make sense. The only thing that did make sense was "You deserve it…."

"I…. I deserve to have things thrown at me?" James squeaked out. "For a mistake? Really?" He raked over his hair, hissing when the glass cut into his palm. "Don't you think that's a tad unreasonable, Teddy?"

A part of him knew it was unreasonable. But that part felt so far off and this fury was too satisfying. "It's more than just a mistake," Teddy hissed, still finding he couldn't fully justify the fire in his belly. Or the flickering of the lights or the shaking of the glass shards across the floor.

James fell deathly silent once he also felt the raw, uncontained magic coursing around the apartment. One more wrong word or move and they could both end up in hospital. This terrifying realization was the tipping point. Teddy took a deep and slow breath, lowering himself to the floor as fast as he could without disturbing things further. "I think you need to leave," he said slowly with a bite still heavy in his voice. " _Now_."

Even though his eyes were closed, Teddy knew James didn't need to be warned twice. Glass crunched beneath his rushed steps and he made sure to slam the door good and hard on his way out. A sound that grounded him in a comforting way, allowing the heat inside of him to start falling. Allowing him to start processing around the anger, now that he wasn't uncomfortably confronted with the betrayal.

The red clearing from his vision, Teddy opened his eyes to survey the damage he'd inflicted. Coinciding with the shattered glass, there was a fresh dent in the wall from impact and a smear of blood where James' head had rested. His raw magic also overloaded the power to the point of shutdown, forcing him into a well-deserved and comfortable darkness. Sighing, he cast a few incantations to fix what he could before shuffling off towards his bedroom.

To his bed with his pillows that still smelt like James and his sheets so full of memories. The boy was still heavy on his mind, his own guilt starting to take over and consume the anger. No matter what he had done, James could never deserve the violence Teddy had just inflicted upon him. Especially not since Teddy was less than innocent himself. He'd done this to Victoire. For this hypocrisy alone, he didn't deserve Teddy raw and unchecked. But then again, no one did for any reason.

Frustration taking place of anger, he flopped back on that bed filled with the phantom of James. As his head hit the pillow, he yanked up the sleeve of his shirt. The phases of the moon tracked across his wrist, the enchantment on the tattoo doing exactly what it was supposed to – reminding him that the full moon was a mere day off with stars lighting up a bridge between the two phases. Confirming his suspicion that his irrational reaction was at least partially out of his control. Not that this justified his anger in any way. Nor did it mean he didn't have one hell of an apology to craft. Just as soon as the pull of the moon let him return to being a person he recognized.


	29. Temptation

James shouldn't have run to Landon. He knew that was only likely to incriminate him further. He was fully aware of every single wrong move he was making. But he found be couldn't help but to make them. Landon was comfortable as well as comforting, especially after Teddy's completely justified irrational violence.

"Jesus, James," Landon hissed when he opened the door. He looked back into his house, making sure no one else knew who was standing on their stoop. Not that it was all that wild for James to show up there whenever he felt like. "You shouldn't be here," he continued once the front door was closed firmly behind his back. But he kept his fingers securely around the handle likely as a means of easy escape. "Why  _are_  you here?"

Shrugging, James nervously combed his fingers through his hair. A few glass shards tinkered to the concrete and another dug into one of the cuts on his palm. He winced, unable to meet Landon's waiting look. "I know you asked me not to…but I told Teddy…."

Panic turned swiftly to concern and Landon seemed to just notice the many lacerations. "What the fuck did he do to you?" he asked, his tone much softer. Much more friendly, affirming that coming here was the right decision. At least for the moment. "I swear I'll fucking kill him if he hurt you."

"I've never seen him so angry. So violent…." James' voice sounded fragile even to himself. He'd never felt so shaken. He'd grown up fortunate enough to never have felt a fear for his life. But back in Teddy's apartment? That came close. "He tossed a cup at the wall," James was quick to say when he noticed Landon's threatening grip on his wand. "I should have been more careful with the glass, but I guess I forgot how to…to make sense of things for a minute." Teddy wasn't completely wrong in saying James had deserved it. What he and Landon had done….

Thinking about it just then, James' cheeks pinked and he violently tore his hand away from being gently examined. "I probably shouldn't have come here," he stated plainly, but made no move to leave. He did, however, definitely back up a step when Landon reached for his hand again. "I guess I shouldn't come here again, apparently."

"Oh, sod off," Landon snorted. "I'm not tryin' to make a move on ya. We tried that and I…. I'm not fuckin' interested, bruv." He reached for James' hand again, forcibly turning it upwards. "What I  _am_  interested in is gettin' this glass out. Hold still."

It was hard not to feel a deep intimacy in every thing Landon did. The image of this man spread out before him was still fresh in his mind. His particular tightness and the weight of his moans were ingrained in his memories. They'd already established in many harsh words that their actions shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't ever be repeated. But knowing this didn't keep him from irrational feelings.

There was likely a more concise spell to fix James' hand, but neither of them knew what that might be, resulting in a smattering of various incantations that saw them standing too close for too long. The proximity helped, though. The longer it took, the more hope James had for their relationship returning to normal. At the end of it, Landon smiled and there wasn't a single trace of awkwardness left in it. "Good as new," he muttered and jammed his wand back in his pocket.

"Thanks." James massaged the freshly healed marks on his palm, still feeling a bit of hidden hesitation. "Sorry for showin' up all hysterical. I think I was just in shock."

Landon waved it off and leaned back against the front door, the fingers of his other hand poised back on the handle to resecure his quick getaway. "It doesn't sound like Teddy to be violent. Then again…what you did wasn't exactly like you, either." While he wasn't sure if that was entirely true, James nodded. "So, what're you gonna do now?"

Fiddling with his ring, James shrugged. He honestly didn't know. He didn't know if this was the end of them or just a hiccup. He didn't know if he felt safe with Teddy any longer. He didn't know how to reconcile his straying feelings or his insecurity. He didn't know and it was suffocating. "Obviously…I've got a lot of thinking to do…. But, uh, we're cool, yeah?"

It took a pensive moment, but in the end Landon's laugh was just as bright and comforting as ever. "I mean, yeah…it was a humiliating low point for me that I can never take back…but we're cool, man. You're my brother. A bit of buggering doesn't change that. As incesty as that sounds…."

A soft smile found it's way to James' lips as well as he gave in to the ease of his friend's company. "And with that unsettling thought, I'm leaving."

"Let me know what you decide about… _things_."

James nodded, a silent promise, and took a quick look around to ensure he wasn't being watched before disapparating. Landing with a churning stomach and quaking knees on that dangerously important beach in Majorca. Stubbornly determined to not leave without a definitive answer for his future.

Resolving himself to whatever fate this might bring him, James stripped off his clothes before he could hope to change his mind. In the light of the near full moon, he succumbed himself to every feeling and sensation this place had brought him to feel. This was where he had first decided to give in to all the most dangerous temptations currently and suddenly up for question. The waves crashed over his feet, the cold of the ocean throwing everything into shocking focus. Knowing it could clear the rest of his mind, he walked into the full of the swells and let the ocean take him. He needed a place to think, weightless and solitary.


	30. Forgiveness

The most important fact to be remembered was that James came back. It took him a few days, but there he was eventually at Teddy's door, stepping in like he owned the place and pulling Teddy into his arms. Against his body, taking his mouth with his and stealing his breath. Desperate to apologize, Teddy gave in to the boy's body with a fervor. Closing the door and pushing him back against its grounding hard surface while muttering how worried he'd been.

"I'm fine. I'm here. I'm fine," James reassured him in between kisses. All of the worries from these last few stressful days melted away beneath those wandering hands. Cementing their relationship back to the way things should be, everything else a mere stain on the tapestry of their future. But a stain nonetheless. Unwashable and unforgettable.

"I'm sorry," Teddy made sure to intonate when he felt he should stop and take a breath. His hands settled on James' cheeks. His fingers caressed his skin, selfishly making sure he hadn't hurt his lover with his anger. With his unchecked violence. "I'm sorry if I scared you or…or  _scarred_  you. I'm not saying it wasn't my fault, because in a way it was. I can't always place blame on the moon. I scared myself. Did I scare you?"

James laughed, soft and a bit haunted. "I deserved it," he parried with a mocking tone. "And I'm sorry, too. But we'll get past this –  _all_  of this."

The only thing that mattered was that James thought they still had a future. And Teddy couldn't help but to notice he was still wearing his ring. And Teddy was still wearing his bracelet. And nothing else in the world  _mattered_. They could get through everything else as long as they still had this fire between them.

"I'm going to marry you, Edward Lupin. I'm going to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. We're going to have kids or…maybe just some dogs. Gods help me if you just want a cat, but I'll do that with you too. I'll do whatever it is you want. What  _we_ want. I'm going to wear you like a damn badge of honor for the entire world to see. I'm in it, Teds. I'm here and I'm done doubting you. Doubting this and doubting us."

Teddy couldn't help but to beam with pride at the surety behind those statements. He was on board and echoed every single one of those promises. "No more fucking your friends," he laughed. He felt like they could laugh now. If they couldn't find any humor in this, then the resulting darkness was likely to fester and spread. "Clear?"

Matching the goofy smile, James consented to that condition before continuing what they had started. Pulling Teddy close again and forcing him to believe every word he had uttered. Not that he had to do any of it. Teddy was already there and on board for all of it. And, despite their small setbacks, he couldn't wait to see how their future would unfold. Kids, dogs, cats…. Or perhaps just the two of them alone. Any of it. All of it. Whatever that might be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so...we have reached the end. Finally. Thanks for sticking along for the ride and I really hope you enjoyed this journey as much as I did!


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